Wednesday, December 30, 2009


"Still it's you I can't deny"

This boy is like a philosopher I tell you. The way he talks and how he says things, the way his mind works, just boggles me. Wow. Just Wow. He's said some pretty nice things to cheer me up when I'm down some, and he gave me plenty of advice that were actually well thought out for a guy. So I guess, friend, you are kind of the bomb. Thanks. ;D

So he told me today that everyone deserves happiness. Not sure if I believe that because I know a handful of people that I dare say dont deserve happiness. But that's just me eyh? Haha. Anyways, his point was that I deserved mine. He spent 30 minutes emphasizing on that... Which couldve been draggy and annoying, but it was surprisingly the opposite. I loved his choice of words when it comes to explaining about happiness and how we shouldnt let anyone or anything stand in our way of it. I can't recall exactly what he said, but it made something inside me click, for some odd reason lah. I wont go into details about what else he said, but he was right. He voiced everything I felt, that I didnt ever want to admit or hear myself say out loud. So I guess you can say he's my inner voice. HAHA. Good conversation.

He ended with, "Why would you let others punish you for being happy?"

Hmm, there's a thought eh? Bottom line is, if you're happy, nothing could ever bother you right? ...RIGHT.

I'm happy. (: And nothing will bring me down. Despite everything. Everything.

PS: Awesome blog I found. Or rather, she found me. ;)

"Sometimes it just feels better to give in"

Thursday, December 3, 2009

And most of the time,

I am just not okay. But that's okay I guess? Because you get used to it. One question though; is it possible (or even normal) to be depressed ALL the time? Hm, I guess not. Meh, who wants to be normal eyh?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009



Saturday, November 7, 2009

Bite back.

"Then maybe it works when I leave, you fake what you say you love"

It's a revelation really, it dawned on me, smacked me in the face if you will, that there's nothing. Nope, nothing left. I know what's right to do, but it isn't right to do it now... I mean, now being the end of high school and all. Even if, when you actually think about it, what's right to do, doesn't necessarily need to be done. It'll happen in due time, you know, 'go with the flow'. But really, back to the topic, I felt nothing. I keep wondering if you notice it too, or if it's just me. Because if it is, than I am such a shitty person.

Given the situation that I'm in, I shall not take the direction my instinct is pointing me to. At least not anytime in the near future. But I'm pretty sure it's about to happen. I haven't talked to anyone about this, maybe it has something to do with me not knowing who to talk to? I can't talk to you about this, it will hurt us. But I need to let this out, so, you come home quick, I need you to listen. Between this, leaving school and everything else on my plate... My head's been pretty occupied.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, really, don't even bother because you my dear friend, might find out soon enough. Well, at least when it does happen.

PS: If it does happen, please know that I've never loved you any less than you've loved me. Really, even if it's come to that.

"Take a little more than what I've got, it's all I have to please you"

Monday, November 2, 2009

If you're a dream then come true.

"Wrap your arms around me 'till your knuckles are burning white"

Today I shall quote Alexi Wasser. Her blog is the shizz. --> IMBOYCRAZY.COM

"It was friendly, quick, silly, and only slightly awkward. I don’t want anything from him. I don’t need anything from him- so it wasn’t filled with painful longing or remorse for what was- it was more a sneak peak, or evidence that he could be/might be a best friend. I have so much love for him. And yet- and he feels the same way- not being together was/is a good decision. After he left, with no kissing or anything-just hugs that he wasn’t really comfortable with me giving him-......"

I miss you, so much. I dare not imagine how it would be like when I no longer see you on a day to day basis. As immature and stupid I feel when I say this, clearly I love you. So much more than I care to wonder why. I wish you knew, I wish you care enough to find out. I don't want you anymore, at least not in that way. I just want you to be a part of my life... the way things were supposed to be. I'm so glad I met you love.

"Use me as you will, pull my strings just as a thrill. And I know I'll be okay though my skies are turning gray"

Sunday, October 18, 2009

In all my spite, just turn it off.

"You came much closer than they had before. You never stop needing and it's good for nothing."

Caught up with si kering, yes YOU *points finger* the one yang pegi baca my blog depan I -.- Pegi la buat twitter! Boleh gedik gedik. xD Anyways, keesokannya was Addin's open house, caught up with The Herry. :D Anyways, the food was good but the sausages were SO superfuckingdelicious sampai everyone berebut macam anjing liar dapat daging -.- After that went for jamaican shisha, moroccan tea and pineapple barbican. Left early to go geli geli. lol, that rhymes. xD And then today pulak was ou with my fave sibs, for a movie. And then I saw that certain budak skate/small feet :D Terima kasih boyfriend( xD ) kerana membawa that certain small feet-ed(?) boy to come see me, since his arm is still healing.

Annnyways, we saw Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs... in 3D! Her treat. Thanks a bunch. Love you. (: The movie's pretty good, especially if you ada younger sibs, it's a great movie to watch together.


Moving on.... I always have some philosophical shit all drafted up in my head when I'm out but then bila dah balik and kat depan laptop, POOF, hilang. Memang nice sangat sangat. So instead of philosophising I'm gonna tell you about the musang thingy (well, orang panggil musang, but it doesn't look anything like the fox) yang I saw when we went to Andalus. :/ I was walking to the car and I heard bunyi macam a kitten in pain, it was fucking seram untill a second later when I saw that it was the musang thingy on the electric wires. Kan those things suka jalan on the electric wires so I went and sambung balik jalan to the car. Had to wait for that boy to keluarkan kereta from the parking because I taknak pijak the damp grass in my kebaya... so I pun tengok la the musang thingy thinking 'Why isn't it moving?' After closer inspection, tengok tengok it's head is fucking stuck between the intertwining electrical wires. D': That's why it was crying or screeching because it was asking for help. ): Musang thingy tu wasn't electrocuted, but STILL.... nanti dia tercekik macam mana?? But then there was nothing I... we, could do to help so I tahan my guilt and went into the car. :/ Balik rumah went to sleep and got nightmares of the musang thingy asking me 'WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME?!'. Babi seram. Okay, so now you're probably thinking, 'Dude, give me back the 3 minutes of my life I just wasted reading about some musang thingy.' x) Well, too bad. I am not even sorry I'm telling about the musang thingy because the guilt is eating me up.

I guess, that's about it? Oh lupa nak mention bestfriend's open house that happened last week. So itu je la kot. Nothing big, tak ada apa yang eventful sangat since the SPM is eerily getting sooner and sooner everytime I tengok the calendar (well, duh la kan. But what I mean is, tiba2 dah tinggal sebulan) so duduk rumah and jadi budak baik. Tunggu la lepas SPM nanti *cue evil laugh* but for now, I have an add math book waiting in the room with my name plastered all over it.

Until next time lovely/ies. You know i love you. Yes, you. (:


"I'll beg you, beg you. But it's all the same to me" )':

"The truth never set me free..."

"I don't know what to do with these feelings" -Postsecret French.

"I can't tell you, so everyday I tell the water, the earth, the grass, the sun and the clouds that I love you" -Postsecret Dutch

This one's from Postsecret's Sunday Secrets.

"...So I did it myself."

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

The All-American Rejects *NEW* I Wanna Music Video.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

15 minutes.

Squeezing in a post because I refuse to tweet. Supposed to be at nauwar's hourssss ago. No one is home... -.- dah bagitau suruh hantar still keluar jugak pagi2. Bagus lah tu. I have to find my own means of transport la now. Eeee, tak sukanya.

Oh oh, btw, I saw someone who looks exactly like someone I know, tengok website tu, ada video kat sebelah kanan... cuba teka yang mana satu I think I kenal.

Be back later w updates. Love.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


Sepatutnya di spend dengan tido sepanjang hari... instead i slept for an hour and then terus buat banyak keje. dah balik pun it's not like I had a good rest, change clothes and went to Reen's. First thing's first: Reen wants to know where the mulut becok Ryan is. xD So you better ada bila Rynna ajak benda makan makan tu nanti. Anyways, it was my brother's wedding today, currently I don't have my hands on pictures, so I hope I'll get back to that much later in the week. I ate a lot, my feet hurt, malas nak remove the excessive eye make up I have on, and I am now super tired. I didn't know Daniel has ADD, damn depressing I tell you... he kept pulling on my hair. Danish pun macam tak betul sikit. :/ Boy's out with DanDan, watching the freaking Liverpool/Chelsea match (just because you're Chelsea boy, I hope Liverpool wins). Nak smoke, but sleep deprivation is seriously getting to me. It's like I'm stoned while I'm sleepy because I'm too tired. : Speaking of, boy went and drove while he was stoned from Shah Alam to Damansara. Respect laaa. ;D Haha. I didn't realise I was membatu-ing until I was in the car. Hahaha, that was funny, I thought my arms fell off. xD

Eyh boy jom grass lagi? Same place? I like you when you're up high. xD Verrrry, _____. HAHAHAHA.

On another note, don't leave me in the morning when you wake up. now more than ever, i need a companion, a friend to help me wrap this journey up and start a new one. I love you, yeah, YOU. and you (yang perasan tapi takut bukan untuk you tu. hahah).

"Up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness. Cause none of it was worth the risk but you are the only exception."

Thursday, October 1, 2009

You are the only exception,

I want someone to sing this to. I'm missing something, but I don't know what. Been laughing my tits off the last couple of days, the sadness is catching up to me. I'm so sad, not the good kind. Not melancholic, no. It's the really bad kind of sadness. Please pardon my poor vocab and shiznit english, I'm too sad to think. As high school and teenager shit this may sound, I feel so empty, so vacant. Nyeh, shouldn't bore you with my pointless rant. This is my current favourite song, from Paramore's new album Brand New Eyes, track number six.

The Only Exception.

When i was younger I saw my daddy cry
And cursed at the wind
He broke his own heart
And i watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darlin,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe i know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And i've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content
With loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk, but

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here I know your leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Oh--- You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing.
Oh, And Im on my way to believing.

I miss you, I love you. I wish I knew who you are.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Let the flames begin.

I can't let myself regret, such selfishness.

You kill me over and over again, I wish you knew.

I have..

been spamming twitter too much that I feel like I should just blog. Complaining about things actually. I'm getting that starry bag and the black ribbon bag. But I found TWO Versace skinny jeans that I completely fell in love with. Also TWO Guess skinny jeans that I really, really want. Total price for everything: RM 333. I KNOW! CRAZY CHEAP RIGHT??? ALL brand new pulak tuuu and original. Thing is, I just spent a hefty amount of money and like nak spend lagi 300 bucks memang tak laaaaah. So now, I'm just getting those two bags. :( Stupid economy. (babi, now I sound terlebih gedik).

Anywaaaays, it was a good day. I love those people. Tropicana City Mall soon guys? x) Can't wait to see Sherwin on Friday, he's a got a little something something for us. HAHAHAHA.

Oh and fave quote of the day *tee hee x)* "Take good care of my heart because I've left it with you." HAHAH. You know who you are sengal.

Gonna sambung add math now. Toodles.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Everyday we awake,

Feeling so melancholic. Last year of school guys. (: I'm gonna miss you. This one's for all of you. (Meant to post this on the last day of school tapi tak tertahan dah -.-)


Please stand by, we've come so far
These years we survived the ride that turned us inside out
Repeat after me, just scream and shout
It was the best of times,
From broken homes and battle scars to where we are
Graduate Paperchase
We'll get out of this place
Don't turn around
Hit the highway pour some liquor out for this town
Now that's all for us
It's last call drink up
Roll it out, it's over now
We're the castouts with messed up friends and never did fit in
Don't care where it ends, doesn't matter now
Long as we're as one, we'll take the next bus
Destination: setting sun
We'll get out of this place
Don't turn around
Hit the highway pour some liquor out for this town
Now that's all for us
It's last call drink up
This is an open invite for all to attend
Don't ask too many questions now
Don't tell us how it ends, cause we're the ones who wrote the end
Graduate Paperchase
We'll get out of this place
Don't turn around
Hit the highway pour some liquor out for this town
Now that's all for us
It's last call drink up

I'm gonna miss high school. (':

Paper Chase.

This man is my hero. he just had a tumor removed from his knee that morning and by evening he's already prancing on stage with his bestfriends for the support show on the Blink 182 tour. Granted that he was assisted by a large dose of morphine so that he could deliver and that ninja guy helping him around the stage, still, he just had surgery! AAR had to cancel one show though, and I don't get why people are so pissed off. Like, HE HAD A FUCKING TUMOR MAN. Hahaha, I am SUCH a fangirl.

Get well Tyson baby, we're sending you much love. :)

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Shwing, Shwing.

Hats off to you bestfriend..wait, can I still call you my bestfriend? No wait, I'll start over.


Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeapp, I owe you BIG. I want to keep this short and sweet, so in the words of the almighty All-American Rejects themselves, you can sit beside me when the world comes down. I said it before and I'll say it again; anything you need, anytime, just call me. (:

Friday, September 18, 2009


Title: Say whaaaaat? Anywayyys.

Selamat Hari Raya Adilfitri
Maaf Zahir & Batin.

No but really, if I ada insulted you or did you wrong or offended you or not meet your bestfriend expectations in any way (er, what? Haha)... I mintak maaf (for things you know or do not know I did), I hope that you forgive me and I can only pray that I won't be making the same mistakes again.

I pray for every single one of you out there in my prayers every night. I hope twins, Aina, nenek, atuk and the rest of them are all doing well wherever they are. Moga moga dicucuri rahmat mereka. (:
Dad, sisters(ye, juju sekali), brother, bestestbestfriend, bestfriends, VIP friend(you know who you are xD), friends,... I love you all. (: Dapat duit raya jimat, jangan makan more than your tummy can take, enjoy your kampung's clean air, and yang baru nak drive balik kampung tu... drive safe. :)

You know I love you. (:

Saturday, September 12, 2009

We don't fight fair.

"I've got to breathe, you can't take that from me"

I still can't decide if Tyson Ritter is hot or not. Yes, I realise the topless picture tu macam geli sikit, but I still rasa he looks hot beneath all the geli. -.- See the whole shoot here.

I heard Here We Go Again (the album not the single) by Demi Lovato is supposed to be really good. Hm, I might go check it out.. I already love, yes love, the song. It's so catchy, although I must say... I don't like Demi Lovato's face. That's uncalled for, haha.

I got stuff to say, but have now lost the mojo to write since I've been reading CynideandHappiness for the past two hours.. haha. x) Off to spend another hour on Cynide and Happiness, then add math babi.... then baru tido. Hopefully before ten lah. Tak nak bangun petang2 sangat.

Morning peeps. :)

"My name is never was, my name's forgotten"

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

what the fuck? hah.


Will get back to that later. xD

Saturday, September 5, 2009

You're just paper.

"I am everything you want,
I am everything you need,
I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be,
I said all the right things at exactly the right time,
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why"

Did I say just how much I love Vertical Horizon?

Still need things to get of my chest considering the numbing absence of nearly everyone I know/need lately. Gah, the rain makes me feel so mellow. It makes me want to cry and sit alone on a swing under the rain, so that when I'm all drenched and freezing I know that I'm real, that I'm still alive.

I need sleep, so bad. My sleeping schedule is all haywire, the meds make me woozy all the time. I'm tired like about 90% of the day, but fuck if I sleep some more. I don't know where I find the time to laze off and sleep all day and still go online when I've spent most of my time studying. I'm seriously, a supergirl.

If there was any way I could rant on and on here just to let things out, I would have. Too bad everyone who comes here knows who I am.

I should be off, seeing that typing on blogger is not helping me feel better at all. No lyrics today, I'm just leaving you with this...


PS: Do you know what the absence has turned me into?

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I just won't make sense.

"hook me up a new revolution because this one is a lie"

Favourite quote of the day "Let's play Romeo and Juliet and fall in love just to die".

Did I tell you how much I love Teenagers by Hayley Williams? It's on the Jennifer's Body soundtrack... Actually, now that I think about it, I love all the songs on the soundtrack. It's all very high school, but I am in high school so it's appropos. xD

Why is it that I have a habit of going online at two in the morning? It's so annoying knowing that I have time to study accounts tommorow that I somehow refuse to study tonight. Ngeh. I don't really have anyhting to write.. I just want to. How about I talk about Agama Paper 1 tadi? Nahh, tak nak la. You people know how hard it was.

A friend e-mailed me this today after three years of silence. I just had to share it with you, her writing is just divine.

"you left the broken ones behind without glue or tape to fix ourselves, i found your photographs today and what was left of my unbroken tangle tore itself into pieces. there are photos of you smiling and photos where your hair is long and blowing back from your face and photos where you are being kissed and held and there is one where you are floating in a pool, defying gravity and burning like a peony in the sunlight.

there's a photo of you having a seizure and the whites of your eyes are like the bone china i haven't ever eaten off of, i flipped the picture over but it seared me like a brand, seared me like a scar. hundreds of photographs are on the counter, ones in frames and ones that have been torn at the edges like you are trying to escape your destiny.

you are haunted you are haunting you are hunted. you left her bruised and raw enough to drip blood on the floor, you left her behind pulled curtains and i can't seem to unfasten the latch on her windows for fear she will jump.

you left him angry, i wear his hands around my neck instead of a collar to remind us that i am no one's animal, i am no one's property but he keeps trying to contain me all the same. you left me longing for someone i can't quite seem to find, because you are elusive, long hair in the wind, feet buried in sand, that half smile, those eyes, seared bone white and eggshell broken to the back of my eyelids, a reminder that you shouldn't twist out of fate like cigarette smoke because everyone ends up with burnt fingers anyway."

Fuck en? :)

So I just wasted an hour online, doing nothing... Like whoah, I need sleep. Night people. (:

"Just take off your wings, they could never get you quite as high as I did. And you know it."

Monday, August 31, 2009


"His heart races faster just for her, why can't we be like we were?"

It's fucking two in the morning and I'm online. I'm so sick of this SEJARAH book. I think I might just puke if I tried to read it some more. *goes to keep sejarah book in the school bag*

Anywaaaays, I just suddenly felt the need to type so here I am, on fucking blogger. Sorry for all the cursing, i can't help it with my shit mood.

I have some stuff I need to get off my chest, if you know me, don't ask me about what I'm about to type out here. Sooo, today I wore my good bra. You know the kind that makes your tits look really cute. Why I chose to wear it today? Beats me. Wasn't like I was out to do anything that requires me to take off my shirt or was I? Hahaha. *graphic, I know. Sorry*

On other topics, i saw 'I Love You, Beth Cooper'. It was pretty good, not because the movie was actually that good but because it was all about, graduation and growing up and stuff. I'm in my senior year of high school kan? So it kinda makes me feel all 'awwww' inside thinking 'wow, I'm in that stage of my life'. There were two parts that I actually liked... 1. When the nerd was giving his valedictorian speech and 2. When the nerd's bestfriend said 'So I think I might be gay or bi'. love both scenes because it's so 'awww'. The movie itself, wasn't so good.

Oh, other things I had to let out was: Ah damn it. You're not _______ ___ anymore. That really hurts me, in such a way that I don't understand because it's just a goddamn ________. And then there's you. Why is it so wrong and so fucking awesome at the same time? Aaa, fuck. And it all went by in a dream like state, my mind was literally shut down when I did the things I did. Fuck it. Imma sleep now. Night fuckers.

PS: My hair smells like ________. I love/hate it.

"You greedy little thick ho, god I feel for you, fool"

Saturday, August 29, 2009

For once I want to be the car crash,

"There's got to be something better than in the middle"

I don't believe there is such thing as 'freedom of speech'. Yes, of course you are allowed to say anything you want, but do you? I'm not talking about political rights or anything like it.. I'm talking about things you talk about with the people around you. When you find yourself hating someone you've loved for the past god knows how long, I don't believe that you'd go in their face and say 'I hate you'. Or when you think the shit your teachers made you do at school is in fact, shit, do you go up to your teachers and say 'Sir/miss/mrs, the work you've given us is shit'. I believe not, unless you're an extremely rude person. Gah, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Nevertheless, I will take the cowardice road tonight and say... Fuck you. I hate you. Seriously, go jump off a cliff or something. Fuck you for making me feel this way. Fuck off. I'd say 'get out of my life' but I'd rather not... As fucked up as you are, I enjoy the..erm, company?

Call me a fucking hypocrite, because I am. Fuck it, so are you.

... I'm so sick of this terrible mood. It's not like I'm not used to this, I get like this for a duration of time once every year, I call it my 'time out' months. And honestly, I don't mind the hostility I feel or the hatred that's all pent up in me, or the flood of negativity that rushes through me... I just hate not being able to let it out. During my time out months, I can never fucking let it out... Either it's me holding on to the negativity or you people holding on to your negativity. The worst part about this time of the year is that I automatically go on 'Happy-Auto-Pilot' and I'll come off as extra happy, excited, ecstatic, hyper and anything else that's positive because it'd be really unfair for people around me if I got fucking fucked up around them. But then again, that's why it's all pent up. This time of the year, I find it so fucking difficult to restrain myself from telling people what I really think about your fucking huge thighs or ugly ass child or your dead father who's been dead for the last gazillion years... yes, I know it's mean and un-sensitive to even think things like that, but what the fuck, I only get like this once a year. Besides, even though I was thinking it, at least I still have the fucking decency not to fucking scream it in your face. I also know that if I happen to slip, karma would catch up to me, BIG time. Can't you people just take like half an hour out of your precious lives to talk to me or at least be nice to me after all the times I've spent doing all the shit for you? That would help, hah, maybe that's just wishful thinking. Don't fucking tick me off, don't fucking tempt me, don't fucking push me, just don't fuck with me. I don't need that now. You've had your chance to fuck the hell up, to fucking piss off and get all shit arsed with people, let me have my fucking turn damn it. Fuck if you still do push my buttons if you know I'm on time out. Don't fucking ask for it. Fucking behave so I can return to being normal me sooner.

Oh and, wanna know something more fucked up? It's only been approximately a few days since my time out started and I'm already smoking through my ears. Let's see how the next couple months go. Fuck with me and you'll fucking regret it.

"We'll run until she's out of breath, she ran until there's nothin' left. She hit the end-it's just her window ledge"

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Where you gonna go?

"Where do you go to escape from yourself?"

I'm feeling truly, truly inspired tonight. In all aspects of the word. Inspired to do what exactly you ask? I haven't the faintest idea. But I love this feeling, the inspiration flowing in my veins, running through all the blood that flows deep in the beats of my heart. Late night fags always, always give me this sensation, it's like getting high only better, clearer.

In a few months, I'll be leaving school, leaving this childhood life I had come to know and love. People always tell me, life don't really change after you leave school, it only expands. But, I only hope that my life makes a full turn and changes in the best possible meaning of the word (I shall also hope to dear god that it expands). I have visions of the future, hopes of how I would lead my life, I will finally be in control of my own little world... and that prospect excites me to the extent that I cannot describe in mere words. That been said, I will not be leaving this life behind without shedding a few tears, this is my safe zone, where nothing can go wrong, where my only real concerns are scoring my exams and what to wear for my next outing with my girlfriends or how am I to find the resources to buy that really cute hoodie from Zara. ;) I realize the risks, responsibilities and commitments that only comes with my (soon to be) new found freedom, which I can only say (in the fashion that only youths can get away with) scared shitless.

I anticipate the real world with my hands wide open and hope that I have prepared myself enough to endure the tests and challenges that God and life has in store for me. I will in one way or another, check out of this long journey of life as a succesful human being. Succesful in being a true human being; a lover of life who sees the obstacles ahead of me as a learning process and not as reasons to throw in the towel. When I am matured and seasoned enough to call myself an adult, I pray that I will not be among the likes of the generic corporate success with absolutely no heart and/or soul that goes through life like a routine in a recurring nightmare.

But for now, I will enjoy and embrace my youth, my inner childhood that I pray will not dissipate as I grow older. I will savour every minute of every day while I'm still forced to wake up at 6 in the morning and don the traditional white baju kurung and turqoise skirt that I have been wearing for the past 4 years and 8 months because I know that once the uniform I once dreaded to wear is off, there will be no turning back. The real world awaits me, awaits us out there, the jungle full of despair, hope and opportunities... and it is up to us to make the best of it.

To all my fellow youths, I raise my glass and wish all the best wishes for you in stepping out of your safe zone and making the best choices in life.

Before the time comes, take it slow, what's the rush? :)

"Don't say it's easy, the hardest part is leaving. Don't you wonder why? Suddenly we're all running out of time"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"Haven't you heard?...

<...Forever is over"

Somebody spoke and I went into a dream.
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.

"Let go honey, there's beauty in breaking down."

Saturday, August 15, 2009


*warning, really, REALLY long post*

Pretty fantastic night lads. :D It was a good day, and an even more fantastic night. I forgot, no, I needed to be reminded of how much I adore concerts. The raw energy that the crowd emits, the tens of thousands of screaming fans, the look on the performers’ faces knowing that a job’s well done, the smell of sweat from all the perspiring fans, the torture of having to wait in line and endure the couple of hours before the performer(s) shows up, the treasured items thrown off the stage by those very people we’ve idolised from afar, how my heart beats against it’s cage when I scream the lines back to those very people that wrote them, the voices of a sea of people singing in unison; sharing the same interests as 14, 999 other people. It’s such a rush I’ll never be able to forget. And tonight my dear friends, is a whole different rush. The kind of rush I’ve never felt before. I went into the concert with a close minded mind, only wanting to catch a glimpse of my favourite band, but I went back home with a whole new set of mind. Like a musical kick in the place where it hurts.. Discovering (in the most fantastic way possible) how wrong I was about some of the bands I never thought was worth listening to. Thank you World Stage, you have blown my creative mind open wide tonight, once and for all.

Let’s start from the beginning. Haziq picked us up (Ira and myself) at 2.30pm and then we’re off to Sunway Lagoon. After standing in line for god knows how long, getting drizzled on, a few escalator mishaps and a couple of security checks, we finally made it into the moshpit area. It’s so weird, I’ve never seen the Surf Beach so… dry. Ira and I made it to the front, on the right hand side of the stage, where we could see the entrance to the backstage pretty clearly (which we then later saw the BLG boys hanging out with their soundcheck men there during Estanged's performance). Thirsty, I went to get water with Haziq. Just when I was paying for the RedBull, the MTV VJs’ started the event. Gulping down my drink, I hurried back to my spot, guarded by Ira, leaving Haziq wandering at the back with the rest of the group.

Below, the night explained in sequence… somewhat.

Weird, short, dancing, Malaysian boyv
He was the first act. I don’t know him, but apparently he’s won a few awards in America. He looks like he 'graduated' from Akademi Fantasia… but, ntah lah. He sang a song that was undoubtedly foreign to my ears and he danced his way through the upbeat jam. He even moonwalked while blowing kisses! He only sang one song, then left the stage. Dia menari boleh tahan lah.


The boys went on the stage donning weird stuff except for Rich. Rich looked completely normal. Andy had red eyes, which made him look really yummy. Hanafi looked normal, but then again he was on the other side of the stage so I’m not completely sure how he looked like. Their temp bassist, yg I tak tau nama (sorry!) had a kimono and white face paint on, ala geisha and Din had black full contacts on macam Limp Bizkit’s bassist and fake intertwining, iban style tattoos from the left side of his face sampai his left arm... Pretty darn cool. They played four(?) songs and pretty much warmed us up. Saya bangga menjadi rakyat Malaysia.

­Boys Like Girls

"I feel like a hero and you are my heroine"

Blown away man. If my memory serves me right, they played four songs as well. Coincidentally, when they started playing Thunder, it started drizzling. It was a pretty epic moment for me… hearing 15,000 voices singing along to Thunder in the drizzling rain, completely immersed in the moment. Like I said, blown away. They ended their set with The Great Escape of course, Martin’s voice drowned in the crowd because we were singing so loud. I didn’t really look at them then, I just closed my eyes, sang and enjoyed the moment. Oh and Martin climbed the pole(?) thing on my side of the stage, he went pretty high up… it was scary and exhilarating all at the same time. I think that was during Lovedrunk. As they were throwing their guitar picks, drumsticks and shit to the crowd, they said “see you in October!” Hell yeah we will. :) Oh! Oh! Before they left the stage, Martin jumped down and all hell broke lose, everyone was trying to grab a bit of Martin, I got a hold of his hand (WHEEEEEEE!!!), his star tattooed hand.

"Now she's got a boyfriend and I've got a rockband"


"Just because you can it doesn't mean you should"

Okay, this I have to say. I have to take back all I’ve said about Raygun, the only fact that I don’t like about them now is that their band is named after the lead singer. That is such a self-centered thing to do. But music-wise, they were fantastic. The Adj and his obsession with scarves + mad guitar skills, Ray and his slinky dance moves + sexay sexay voice, Ben all sweaty and yummy looking(I swear to god he is SO cute) and Sam. Hahaha. Sam is also very cute, I wouldn’t know from watching their music videos that they are all good looking people. They make crazy music too, disco inspired, edgy rock sound (sick guitar solos I tell you!) and techno-ish beats. They only sang three songs, because they only have about three songs officially out… so takpe lah. Would want to see more of them when they start headlining. Cannot wait.

"If I could write a story of love and hate and glory"

Pixie Lott

She was alright. I thought one of her backup singers was really hot. Very retro looking girl. Pixie has a beautiful singing voice, but maybe because she was wedged between all these rock bands that, to me, she came off a little dull. She’s real pretty in person though, even if she was wearing an ugly ass dress. She has only three songs, only one of which I know of which of course is Mama Do(uh oh). That particular song, a lot of people sang. She might have been dull, but she definitely don’t suck balls. x)

We had a break in between. About half an hour if I’m not mistaken. DJ Rough played a long stream of music which kept us all entertained. Some weird guy next to me kept shouting ‘ARCTIC MONKEYS! ARCTIC MONKEYS!’. I gotta thank Naomi for going off to get me water. Thanks babe! I swear, I was dying of thirst. At this point, Haziq was nowhere to be found and Ira and I were too tired to go look for him. We sat for like 15 minutes before the VJ’s came out again and started throwing t-shirts at us, which by the way I really wanted. YAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I am so jealous of you for getting the freaking shirt!

It’s been a long post, I shall continue the last half of the night in the next post. Until then, cheers! :D

Pictures(def not taken by me):

No good pictures could be found of them.


It's blurred, had to zoom up.


(sorry if the pictures are all out of place, malas nk betulkan)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

you keep me high.

"I complain for the company that I keep"

Here's a paragraph from Innocence(the book that I'm curently loving).

"I don't know why I'm telling her this. I've only known her for about half an hour. But, instinctively, I feel safe. There's an energy about her; a lightness I've never encountered in anyone before, like something's missing. And where a thick layer of convention and criticism would normally be, there's only air."

Tak ke macam suka sangat tu? I love how Piotr talks to Evie. It's so... something. (I know you probably don't understand, because you haven't read the book, but buat-buat faham dah la.) (x

It's been a shit week. I know why, some of you probably know why, some of you maybe don't even care. whatever. ngek. I'm being all emo, geli lah. Better I keep it to myself, save ya'll some time aint it?

SPM in 101 days. HAHAHA. Padan muka semua budak form five yang baca ni. Now that I've reminded you, please go study.

'Bersusah-susah dahulu, ber-enjoy enjoy kemudian'

missing the vanilla and candy mix. geli en Mags? geli en?

"falling for you is the worst thing that could happen, to you"

Monday, August 10, 2009

August Burns Red

I want to go to the All Black Party, but I've yet to turn 18 and go to New York. I'm excited about going fishing. I loike House. I still want those Ikea hot dogs. I'm off to go study now.

SPM's a bitch.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

open happiness.

"sometimes I hide"

Let's start with a smile. *smiles widely baring my teeth*

so a friend asked me this really good question... if my life were to be made into a movie, which memory/event/whateveryouwannacallit would be the most important/memorable/whateveryouwannacallit scene? I couldn't answer, because I've been through so many things that i would want people to witness. But I loved his answer. We were at the padang in front of The Boy's house and he opened his arms wide, and said "All this" or something to that effect. Sometime in the night, he also went "those are my boys"(in a totally non-sexual, not gay,not gross kind of way) and smiled. I love those boys, I truly do even if they are *sort of* seasonal friends.

I treated them all(minus one) to a good dose of grass and then some. Truth be told, they don't need grass anymore, they are perfectly happy and joyous. You see, more often than not, they're happiness are dependant on the presence of another female companion... and since more than half of them has found their, shall we say 'significant other', they are (for the time being) happy. But I treated them to the grass anyway. It wasn't the best I've had, but it sure wasn't the worst.

After more than half of them went to Dota and Smallfeet went home... OrangeJuice and Wan ate and then Wan proceeded to send me home because OrangeJuice was all woozy. x)

I for about two hours before waking up at 10 the next morning because I promised Ra we'd go to the WorldStage roadshow together at Cineleisure. So left home at about 11++ and was at The Curve by 12. We had to wait for about an hour before the show started. Denise wasn't as tall as I thought she would be. O_______o As soon as the roadshow kicked off, we immediately got in the spirit of the whole thing(we wanted the tickets really baaaaaaaaaaaaad), and we entered the contest that needed us to be all excited and energetic because the people with most spirit and energy gets a sticker that ensures their spot in the moshpit. Well, long story short... Ra and I got moshpit passes. And it took less time than we thought it would. By the time we got the passes, it was only 2pm. We went for lunch, then an expensive dessert, then Ra went home and I went to see my sister to show her the passes.... I really wanted to brag to V, but she wasn't around. Ngeh. While I was walking towards the car, I bumped into K, weird boy I tell you. He carried our new timetable in his wallet. Stayed with him for a smoke then went off with The Boy.

Skip the boring parts of the evening.

Then went over to The Boy's house because it was Sam's birthday bbq. The chicken was real good and the home made choco cake or was it brownies(?) was delicious. Oh and the air sirap + whatever soda was really good too! Sam was so cute, all embarassed when we sang happy birhtday at the padang and he had to blow the candles (again, in front of friends pulak). Then the boys took him tengah2 padang and beat him up like what boys always do. I heard the Bush song, Playground and Raindrops last night......! :D So for now, I'm content with only listening to Pax. I went home early, while the boys all went Dota..... I needed sleep, I was so deprived of it so I went back home after I took in a few puffs of grass. Woke up late today with a really bad neck cramp thanks to that ass Herri *sticks tongue out*, True Blood marathon and now I'm blogging. What a life... not. x)

I'd put up pictures but the laptop's being a bitch. next time maybe?

I miss you babes. Mana hilang lah sial?

"you will burn in hell, for all the sins that you have done"

Friday, July 31, 2009


"someone should have told her that pretty isn't a job"

Went out with Hazim, A. Lane, Mags, Haikal and Gaia last weekend. (Ya Allah. Last weekend ke lah tu babe??) We had a couple shisha's and tried smoking a cigar. The cigar tasted gross, don't know why Hazim chose to but the disgusting flavoured one.That was a good night, I can't wait for another night like that. Then the next day we(minus Gaia and Hazim) went to watch Half-Blood Prince with a couple other people. I wanna see A.Lane again, but since he's leaving toms, I don't think I'll be seeing him again anytime soon. And that about wraps up last weekend, although I feel like I've left out a lot of stuff.

This past week, my dad had a surgery. The doctor's cut him open in three different places. The surgery lasted for about 5 hours and that left me plenty of time to study math and add. math in the hospital's waiting room. Dad's now staying over at Rynna's for a while. This past week was also our July Tests... pretty shameful for me to admit that I think I did badly. fuck I need to study. Found out that trials are in less than a month.

This past week jugak, I saw Land of Lost with them boys. It was pretty funneh but won't be seeing it again and again. i also saw OrangeJuice's 'Macho' walk... that was a hilarious sight.

I'm pretty sure I left out A LOT of stuff. But I just can't figure out what.

Damn. Will update when I remember what is it that I need to let out.

PS:Pictures next time.

"I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do, about you now"

Thursday, July 23, 2009

there's one more who knows,

"You come along because I love your face"

so she, well they left last night. not used to not living 2 seconds away from them. she's practically the only person that has been there for me the whole way.... what if we lose our bond? (now i'm being paranoid) they're new apartment's nice though. it overlooks the pool where V lives. can't wait to swim there. x) i have rocking sisters, and yes, that's means you too Juju.

what else? i reaaaaaaaaally want to go to MTV's World Stage this august. Me and Ra are trying to get tickets. i (we) can't enter the stupid contest on the fucking site because you have to be like 21 and above to enter. balls.

ah, crap. BC's here, gottago.

"And I smile as I respire because I know they'll never win"

Sunday, July 19, 2009

oh hey dannyk,


"When you have come to the edge of all light that you knowAnd are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen:There will be something solid to stand on or You will be taught to fly. "
Patrick Overton
"I find it ironic how on December 21st, 2012 the Earth will pass thru the center of our galaxy causing our magnetic fields to flip, quite possibly flipping the earth on it’s axis. I don’t think it’s anything to be alarmed about. It only happens every 30,000 years. Then again, it’s never happened with 7 billion people standing on it."
Jason Mraz
I had a couple bites of durian today. Fucking tempting like mad. Gah, menyesal menyesal. For those of you yang tak tau... I'm allergic (?) to durians. Makan a couple bites, sekarang dah migrain macam tak ingat dunia. . . . . aihh. Stupid fruit.

I loiiiiike A. Lane. Takde lah comel ke apa... but perangai dia comel. Hahhaa, tak jugak lah. Nothing special pun about him, but, to quote Maggy "nothing to dislike" jugak. I hope I get to see him soon, with Hazim, cousin Mags. Maybe this weekend Mags? with canabis? Wheeeeeee~ Or not with Canabis, asalkan dorg ada. (:

And here's something I find funny;

Assistant by Jason Mraz.

I also had some thoughts to share, but looks like I lost it. :\

Oh well, toodles.

Saturday, July 18, 2009 a man alive if he can't be killed?

"I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, being — forgive me — rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger." - Albus Dumbledore

Starters , oh shit. Teoh Beng Hock.


On a brighter note, Harry Potter. :D Went to watch it with Mags. It's like sumpah fucking awesome macam apa je. i don't think I can describe the amazingness of the movie in words. They captured nearly everything perfectly and a lot of the scenes were EXACTLY like how I imagined it. Although I was sitting next to idiots who didn't fucking know who Severus was, it didn't keep me from going completely NGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA over the movie. I love Harry Potter. :DDDDD Kena tengok lagiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!

Everyone in the movie looked reeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaally good, especially Draco... wait, Harry... No, Ron. Alah, semua pun comel semacam je. Even Hermione pun lawaaaaaaaaaaaaa lah teramat sangat. I salute the casting crew because they picked a good Narcissa and Fenrir. I was very the jakun masa scene Dumbledore conjured the fire to save Harry from the Inferi because that was nearly exactly the same as the cover for the Half Blood Prince book. Me and Mags got so excited watching we were going crazy squeezing each others hands. Mags even cut my pinky open with her nail, thanks. The hardest thing to do while watching was trying to keep quiet........ I wanted to scream and jump and pull my hair out (well, no I don't) and go crazy.... but, no I kept quiet and bit my hands.

Freakin adorable I tell you.

Hello yummy.

I couldn't find a good picture of her from the movie, so ni from the premiere. Lawa en?

So I couldn't find a good picture of Dumbledore.... but, he's in our hearts so takpe. Hahaha. I'm such a nerd.

Insyaallah I'm watching it again tonight... if everything goes well. :DDDDDD

Cannot wait for Deathly Hallows Part One and Two. I don't know why but I miss Kreacher, maybe because of his role bila dia try nak selamatkan Regulus and later tolong Harry, I miss Doby, I can't wait for the three of them to flee, I can't wait for the final battle, I can't wait to watch the part where Harry 'dies' and meets Dumbledore again at the train station (dia jumpa kat 9 3/4 ke?), I am excited to see Colin Creevey and Aberforth. I also am anticipating the deaths of the loved ones. Let the final battle commence.

"I know I will be dead long before you read this but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more" — R.A.B.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

rabies. babies. scabies?

"if I wake in the morning, I only need two more miracles to be a saint"

I absolutely love Oh Glory. I can't wait for New *something*... heh, tak ingat the title of the first single of p!atd's new

album. I have plenty to say, but not here. So i'm just gonna waste my time doing this.

I'm addicted to ______. I think I _______ _______. Maybe I'll never admit it but, I do love _________. I wish I had some ________ with me now. Do you think I'll ever ______ ________? I wish to _______ in ________. I'm addicted to the way I feel when I think of you. I like _________. I wish I had ________ and more _________. I will be more ________ by the ______ of the _______. I'm the stupidest one among all of you. I suck at ______. I love ________. I'll ________ you _________. Drinking beers, shooting ________.

Just some random shit I'd love to tell people but I won't . :*

I like one of the postsecrets this week. pegi lah tengok, and guess which one.

P.S. Mags, I hope the paper I gave you would help. Because both the prayers has helped me plenty. (:

"snorting cocaine, and drinking your pain"

Friday, July 10, 2009


Fuck people IT IS JUST HIGH SCHOOL PROM!!! Declare war lah, apa lah. fucking lunatic lah you people. Apa gila tiba-tiba semua orang semangat nak buat fucking prom nih? The only reason I'm still in the committe that I'm in is because my sister signed the fucking M.O.A... If the hotel comes after my family because of your fucking debts, I will fucking chase you and squeeze the fucking money out of you, you loser, fuck of an excuse for a person.


Pardon me, I was very angry. I don't really mean the mean things I said.. well, maybe a little. But I did mean it when I say that I'll chase after you if the hotel comes chasing after my sister... That is, if my sister is still the guarantor. I never know anything. It's called a fucking committee you fucking prick. Fuck.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

northern downpour sends its love,

"Don't you see, I'm the narrator and this is just a prologue"

This post is dedicated solely to Panic(!) At The Disco as well as Ryan Ross and Jon Walker.

It breaks my heart that Ryan and Jon left. It's all so sudden, and when I read their statements on FOE and their website, I just started crying. Gah! At least I've seen them together live. I hope Jon and Ryan will inform the public soon on their new music adventure. And I pray that the remaining Panic members, Brendon Urie and Spencer Smith will release a phenomal 3rd album.

You remind me of a few of my favourite friends, well that all depends on what you qualify as friends // You don't have to worry cause we're still the same band. // You've never been so divine in accepting your defeat and I've never been more scared to be alone. // I know it's mad but if I go to hell come with me or just leave? // I know it's sad that I never gave damn about the weather and it never gave a damn about me. // Oh he's slightly clever to just a certain accent. // Make us it, make us hip, make us scene. // That's when you st-st-stutter something profound to the support on the line, and with the way you've been talking every word gets you a step closer to hell. // I'm the new cancer, never looked better and you can't stand it. // I bet to them you're name is cheap, I bet to them you look like shhh. // Well I'm afraid that I, well that's right well I may have faked it. // What a wonderful caricature of intimacy. // There are no raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses and sleeping with roaches and taking best shades of the sheets and before all the stains and a few more of your least favourite things. // Give us this day our daily dose of faux affliction. // We've got the gunslinger extraordinaire vs a walking contradiction. // Swear to shake it up if you swear to listen, oh we're still so young but desperate for attention. // When I say shotgun you say wedding, shotgun-wedding, shotgun-wedding. // She didn't choose this role, but she'll play it and make it sincere so you cry. //

And those are some of my favourite lines.
In the memory of Spence, Ry, Jon and Bren.

"Things have changed for me, and that's okay I feel the same"