Only when I sleep, I hear you breathe.

"malas nk letak lyrics, sungguh tak ada mood."

Yesterday was yesterday and today is still today. (apa ni Q????)

I memang tak ada mood nak update, but somehow feel like I HAVE to. So I'll just tell you guys briefly lah ye?

Saturday: Lunch dengan the boy, then Maggy datang, I balik and tercari2 baju untuk party. Later, pegi party(lambat, thanks you guys), then balik awal(also thanks you guys), went to OU, hoping to catch a movie, but ramai sangat orang so went to Idaman... makan, borak and I threw out flutterby's Winston... (maaf sangat2, I'm not very good with face to face apologies), then Maggy fell asleep so we went home. HAH, macam la korang tido pon, duduk dalam kete berborak sikit. Gosh you people, you have a lifetime to talk to each other, perlu pukul 2 pagi ke nak berborak?

Sunday: Bangun tengah hari, went to a wedding, starbucks then home. Boring, I know. But the day is still young(?), so we'll see where tonight'll take me.

PS: anyone knows where I can find a carousel around here?

"the post is as colourless as my heart is"

JAI HO!

Today was a:

fantastic, fabulous, amazing, dream-like, crazy, fun, awesome, great,magnificent, excellent, amusing, entertaining, funny, joyful, playful, idiotic, insane, maddening, silly...

day.

That's as far as my vocab capability goes without looking at the thesaurus or dictionary. heh.

I love you people for making this day so, so, SO GILA BABI BEST.

:)

I love, love, LOVE today. And even if I still have those problems breathing down my back... at least, I forgot them for a while.
*smiles*
*****

Bestfriend, I love you and you know that.

Those other couple of people, the ones I hugged yesterday, I love you both too. Don't leave.

I need all of you, all of you including the much needed boy, the one that flutters by, the matang, the fat drummer, the skinny, the brothers and anyone synonymous to you guys. Don't leave me, not again. Never again.

As gay as I say this, and I don't even care if it's not my place to say it... I love you guys and it's as simple as that. Friends.

Maaf, Q emo. Please don't repeat this post in front of me. I love you guys. and that one special girl. *winks*

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.

"sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle yeah"

Q no longer demand for her rights...

because she feels sorry for herself and that person she shall not mention. (more for myself really). Anyways, me and person were talking, I was saying something along the lines of 'as long as everyone is happy..' when person said "YOU HAPPY KE Q?", sumpah you caught me off guard. Wanted to cry, thank you for not pursuing the topic of my happiness (people don't touch the topic of my happiness, it's off limits) besides, flutterby call nak ajak lepak. So basically flutterby saved me from crying in front of person.

So we talked and I didn't smoke because person only had one cigarette... thanks ah. I really needed to smoke so we went to the usual mamak... tengok2 bila park kereta sambung lagi sikit that conversation. Sumpah you sengaja nak buat I menangis en? The most fucked up part was when person said "Look at me Q." OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH FUCK. I swear to god, I wanted to just burst out in tears that instant. Dah tau I memang emotionally fragile right now because of mother. *sighs*

Anyway, in the middle of me yapping away, sadness nearly gone and anger taking its place, flutterby came and knocked on the window (thanks flutterby, i betul tak nak menangis today). Apparently, they(budak skate and flutterby) saw person's car and wondered what was taking us so long. Flutterby gave me a not so from-the-heart hug... because kita kat tengah jalan kan Flutterby? And then lepak like nothing happened, until i wanted to leave. Ah fuck.

Hugged person before I left because person was staying, sumpah I've never hugged you like that before. When you whispered 'sorry' memang la nak menangis lagiiiii. nasib baik i balik. At home, online.

Maggy aka Bestfriend still doesn't know yet. I need to talk to you, but I am so fucking drained. Ya Allah.

On a much, much brighter note... stitchboy asked me out on a date. I said yes, because he was so like, cannot say 'no' to. And because he was being really, really nice... Thanks for being my sunshine last night stitchboy, really appreciate it.

Other than that, we're performing Jai Ho tomorrow!!! Terbaik en?! We are so fucking cool I tell you! Will post the video once I get my hands on it.

:D If you're wondering about mother, don't. Not worth your time. Even if she's why I'm so fucking shit ass now.

Oh, here're some random quotes: - Sadness flies away on the wings of time; Jean de La Fontaine -For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, 'It might have been.'; John Greenleaf Whittier -Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be;Fannie Brice

Before, I leave, dude, I sayang you, WE sayang you. Don't be so selfish can or not? If you leave, empty or not, we kurang sorang and will never be complete. Tell me what to do and I'll do it. Just jangan bagi I a sip of vintage wine and then take the bottle away. Sumpah fuck up.

"when you wake up the world will come around"

Christina Rosetti

"Remember me when I am gone away,

gone far away into the silent land,

when you can no more hold me by the hand,

nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay,

remember me when no more day by day,

you tell me of the future we planned:

only remember me you understand,

it will be late to counsel then or pray,

yet if you should forget me for awhile,

and afterwards remember, do not grieve,

for if darkness and corruption leave,

a vestige of the thoughts that I once had,

better by far you should forget and smile,

than that you should remember and be sad."

One my faves, don't you just love?

And then there's this one, the only one left with me:

"Malevolent words cannot begin to explain what I feel deep in the darkest corner of my heart,

one day these silent whispers will have their say... one day,

in the dark of the night, spiteful glares of the eyes illuminated by the beam of the moon,

they see everything but forced to borne the secrets and lies upon themselves;

for eyes do not speak of words.

Only the whispers speak... quietly.

Frightened of the outcome shall they spoke aloud,

frightened of the isolation shall they utter their thoughts.

These whispers, these eyes, wishes to liberate their inner judgement,

but not today, nerver today.

Maybe one day they'll have their say.

One day."

See if you can find out who wrote that.

(:

It's like finding something pretty in a jar of lies.

"I'm an addict for dramatics, I confuse the two for love."

I'm all emo(Q lame, lame, lame), down in the dumps and moody like you've never seen me moody before. No worries, I've got it all swept under the blanket... for now. So before i get all emo on all of you, let me just tell you what i did today.

Woke up, then mother was all bitchy, drama here, drama there. conclusion: i was too drained to go to school and went back to bed. Meaning, I missed the final paper which was Science Paper One. *sighs* Lagi satu fail Q. Woke up at 12 something, had coffee, then went to school. GILA APA MISS MY CLASS PHOTO SESSION?! Hahahaha. But I felt like shit, and i think that feeling pretty much showed on film. I look like a fucking ass now thanks to that... woman. And then ada Jai Ho, heh, dance practice for our little dance performance on friday. Patutnya until five, but towards four, there were only a few of us left. OrangeJuice called, so we (Maggy and I) left with him to ou, after he dropped me home to change out of my sweat drenched clothes. Flutterby, OrangeJuice and I saw Night At The Museum 2.

6 1/2/10

The Boy went to send Maggy home(she tak suka Ben Stiller), and then joined us a quarter way through the movie. Oh oh, thank Ex for letting us in for free. (:

Oh lupa, before the movie, me and Maggy went to look for food. Got us a couple of whole chicken legs (hers was Teriyaki, mine was Blackpepper), some criss cut fries and Cheese & Mushroom sausage. (benda tak penting yang saja nak bagitau) What I wanted to say was, we ate like a couple of barbarics. Imagine two girls on a bench eating whole chicken legs with our hands. Hahahaha. Barbaric en?

Anyways, after movie, left with The Boy and Flutterby for dinner at Wendy's KD and then went to look for charcoal for The Boy's shisha place. Why am I telling you this? I also tak tau why. Then lepak for like a really, really short while because Flutterby and I wanted to go home. The Boy and I got to talk for a bit, sumpah, dua2 blur gila sampai conversation jadi retarded. Home afterwards.

Then onlineeeee, sampai sekarang. Sangat lah tak ada life saya ni.

Next post, emo post. Tak nak baca pun takpe. I just have to let some of my shitty-ness out.

"I'm just a happy mess. Intrusive and arrogant"

oh baby here comes the sound,

"can't wait for tomorrow, I might not have that long"

This'll just be a brief post. My eldest sister, Rynna, is here with her small fam. Fave Niece One keeps me very occupied. Today I had Accounts Paper One which was more bearable than the fucking Paper Two. I also had History Paper One which was also bearable. I'm pretty sure I don't know any of the answers, but hopefully luck's on my side. Then, the bell rang and school ended. Sampai2 rumah had to look after my niece and layan my sister. -,-" Lebih kurang an hour after that, naik tgk my phone, plenty of misscalls and a lot of messages. Apparently, The Boy and Flutterby went to my school to pick me up for lunch, not knowing that I leave school from the back gate. I heard you guys went home hungry.... Sorry boys. :

Went to Tropicana City Mall with Rynna's fam to teman them grocery shopping for a bit then went home. Rynna cooked Nasi Ayam (mind you, she makes the best Nasik Ayam in the world). Aaaah, finally a home cooked meal. Thanks sis, I do love you. Mother had to ruin our day, will talk about that next time because talking about it now will just make me feel a lot worst. (oh bestfriend, I need you now).

On a brighter note, i found out who Tony Jaa is! Ok lah, ok lah... Q noob. X kenal Tony Jaa, jd bahan korg malam tadiiiiiiiiiii!!! Mana la i tau mamat Ong Bak tu nama engliiiiiiiiiiiiiiissh!!! -,-" Yes, Q still noob anyhow. In case you guys want to know who Tony Jaa is, here's a pic (no, he's NOT attractive):



Sooo, itu lah dia. The Tony Jaa that made me look like an idiot(more so than I already do) for a night. *sighs*

Oh erm, Flutterby, if you're reading this. Nnti nk kuar let me know, msg la guna your mom's hp ke apa. After what I went through with my mother, I need a cigarette or two or fourteen. So, please... ajak ah OrangeJuice (heh, OJ) bawak i kuar. Pleaseeeeeee. And jangan lupa bawak DVD...!

"Your love is a verb here in my room"

Are you gonna fight, or just stand there and bleed?

"my angel wings were bruised and restrained"

Maggy's been going on and on and on about how good Jane Eyre is... so i thought just for the sake of competing, I'd finish reading Wuthering Heights. i re-read it from the beginning, yes, I am weird like that. One of the earlier chapters of Wuthering Heights gave me fucking nightmares, stupid six-year old Cathy!

Anyways, I had Economics Paper One today that was suprisingly easy. I completed the whole thing in exactly 30 minutes. *yay ME!* Aside the examination, school was full of juicy gossips. HAHA. (Apa lah Q bazir masa bergosip benda2 x penting?)

Other than that, have you guys realised how HOT the weather's been? it's fucking murder to walk home from school just now i tell you. The fucking sun was glaring at all of us, it made me afraid of going to hell when I die, i mean after comparing the heat today to how hot it's gonna be in hell and all, gosh, takut.(I don't usually get scared of hell or death or anything synonymous to those things so, pelik la tu i takut -,-").

Speaking of murder kan, I might just commit a couple if those two asses don't stop yelling at me.(i don't mean to sound so disrespectful people).

Oh mm and, the heat made me think about Global Warming and that freaked me out a bit. I don't mind dying, but I'd hate to suffer before I do... lagi2 lah mati kepanasan. LAGI TAKNAK. And imagine those animals that would lose their habitats...... :( Humans have lived on this Earth for approximately 200, 000 years but yet we've managed to cripple, destroy and turn Earth into an ugly place. This fact makes so angry. *sighs*

So the next time you're about to leave your lights on, or your aircond on, think about these animals and hopefully you'll do your part in slowing down the process of Global Warming:

Tiba-tiba Q menjadi environmental activist yang bersungguh-sungguh.

Fucking weirdo, how many causes do you want to fight for?

heh.

Next post, HIV/AIDS.

OH OH, before i leave.

REMINDER TO FLUTTERBY, NAK MILLIONARE'S FIRST LOVE!!!!!

"These charades won't last so pick a poison and pour yourself a cup"

"am I ugly?"

Title courtesy of the movie 'Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind'.

"you held me down in this starless city"

So, had breakfast, ate a bunch of fattening food with maggy while the boys (the boy and flutterby) watched, made sure I was full as fuck then went home.

yes, not a very productive start to my day.

Opened the door to my house and immediately regreted going home.

*sighs*

Honestly, why bother getting married in the first place you people?

Anyways, to waste my not so precious time, I took the quiz that maggy has linked on her page.

Hm, each answer(?) i got is like a slow punch that pierces right through your soul.

This is what i got:

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Soooooooo. yeah.

To change the topic, last night flutterby attempted to send me home but F-boy(hahaha, xde idea untuk nick aa) drove me back instead.

hahahahaha.

bodo aa flutterby.

x)

off to go find something else to do.

toodles.

*******

F-Boy is now known as Sloppy DS.

Don't ask me what Sloppy DS is, I won't tell.

x)

"it takes a handful of guts just to say how much I adore you"

Good Morning Earth, The World Says Hello.

“It helps to write it down, even when you then cross them out”

Hi, nice to meet you. And a special hello to Maggy, who’s probably the one (and only) person that would bother to read about things she herself probably know already. Nevertheless, let me introduce myself. Let’s start with the common things; I’m a seventeen year old girl, I believe in God, I can’t drive (yet), I like coffee, I can’t sing, I can’t play any musical instruments, I’m a sucker for sandwiches and peanut butter, I love to write, history and the English language fascinates me to no end, I have a passion for literature and (as clichéd as this is) music is my heart and soul. Next, my physical aspects; I’m short, I don’t have mountains growing on my chest(heh), I have black, middle length hair and I pretty much look like every other seventeen year old teenage girl.

Mentally, I’m quite stable. Note the word ‘quite’.

My life is… basically nothing special but I love it anyways, thanks to all the psychos(you know who you are), the dejected mad caps and the ones that come and go. Oh and, call me Q (thanks for the soubriquet Maggy). (: And thank YOU *points finger at your direction*, for spending an infinitesimal time of your life here. I’m all smiles.

“Just so you know you’ll never know”