Saturday, October 2, 2010

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die"

"A memory is what is left when something happens and doesn't completely unhappen -Edward de Bono" I cannot wait to leave my mark on this world someday. I will make something of myself. Watch me non-believers.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

But the time is right and it only flies

"To my favourite liar, to my favourite scar. Let's play this game called 'when you catch fire', I wouldn't piss to put you out."

I have a lot to say so I promise to make it all as brief as possible.

Firstly, Maisarah Khairi, aku sangat terharu post kau ada nama aku, sayang kau jugak la (: And if I'm being honest, rindu sebenarnya kat Merbok and PL 1E. Tapi perasaan nak pergi balik tu currently tak ada because I am deathly afraid of the finals sampai tak lena nak tidur. I was trying to study MTC 012 this morning, and maaaaaaaaan that was painful. I literally wanted to scream. Don't get me wrong, I love law, but we haven't had a long holiday like this sampai my brain just refuses to digest anything related to my subjects.

Secondly, my holidays' been great so far except for that bitch who keeps popping into my life like nobody's beeswax. Like my god, please just stop making life so difficult for us. Do you know how much effort it takes for me to not be rude to you? You're lucky I dah banyak buat dosa, tak teringin aku nak add 'anak derhaka' to my list of sins.

Also, I saw some of the bestfriends for buka yesterday, too b ad some people couldn't make it. Buka at The Gardens, ate some more at A&W, they tapau-ed waffles from Waffle World (a&w ran out of waffles -.-) then some of us went off to mamak to pass the time. Oh, juga met Amir and Razlan for sahur. Sumpah, I rindu rindu rindu gila kat Razlan. Imagine, dah lama sangat tak jumpa dia... We got lost looking for his place. HAHA. Then today, after some drama rama, went to Haris's (calling him Haris here so that no one gets him confused w Honeyboo), then culik dia and went off to Rasta for supper. I had a nice time. Love you all (:

Next on my agenda, Rakan Rakan Setiawangsa. Y'all have some thing I want (Yes, I'm talking about YOU Syam) Woot Woot. >:D and I also need to spend more time with Sayang. I'm home and yet I've only seen you like berapa kali je kan Yang? Miss you lots Honeyboo.

Since gambar cuti belum boleh dicuri because macam biasa la Inaz and Amar lambat upload, I'm leaving with random photos of Merbok (:


Last, but definitely not least. Us. Mimi (in her tudung for the Ramadhan month (: ), Q and E. Sayang korang (:

P.S. : Huge thanks to Ira for driving everyone home the past couple of days.

P.P.S. : I love you banyak banyak HoneyBoo.

"Save what you got, keep it safe don't ever stop. It's nothing more, it's nothing less, it's all we got, it's happiness"

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Just because.

“I won’t worry my life away. You can turn off the sun, but I’m still gonna shine”

So did I tell you guys I rode in an ambulance at 1130 at night to go to the hospital while I was at college? Yeah, it was by far one of the coolest (and most torturous) experiences that I have ever had to go through since I started studying here. I wouldn’t want to bore you (or possibly disgust you) with the tale of why the emergency hotline was called on my behalf that night. But rest assured; I am now on my way back to full recovery. Although, I do need to say this, the painkillers I was prescribed that night, don’t help. Like, seriously… I’ve gotten stronger medications before, and let me say this, eating those pills are just like popping disgusting tasting, powdery candy compared to the pills I’ve had to take before.

Moving on, have I introduced you guys to Mimi, E and Cekodok? (yes, cekodok is the orange cat, held lovingly by the seemingly sane; Mimi) This couple of people is so awesome, I can’t think of a more awesomer word than ‘awesome’ to describe the awesomeness that they are. Mimi’s the really weird, awkward, totally recluse but crazy cool and outgoing once you get to know her type of girl whilst E is just really loud, and sort of rude, but is completely adorable (plus she has the most obnoxiously cute laugh in the world, it is SO cute) and likeable you just can’t help but cuddle up and make weird noises with her like wo’ wo’ wo’ or shouuu’! (x I think combining the three of us together is so lethal because when we’re in the mood, it can take some time to adjust to how we are, but it’s all good.. We have fun :D

It’s almost the end of the semester and after all the getting used to, it has come to my realization that I actually enjoy being here. I mean; the comfort you find here in the people and the place itself is just beyond what I have ever had the opportunity to experience before. I literally have shed blood, gallons of sweat and plenty of tears here that it would tug on my heartstrings to leave this place next year. Anyhow, this last couple of weeks before the raya holidays has been keeping me busy, so busy that I had this entry typed out on Microsoft word so that when I am free enough I can just copy paste it onto my blogger. We (that is to say, the part one pre-lawrians) are so effing busy with all the bel tests, the csc’s final project (which I haven’t started on!) that incidentally carries 20% of my overall marks and has to be presented and sent by next Thursday and both the 012 and 016 law subjects that I feel like it’s about time my brain and my body gave up… But here I am, still standing, holding my “Law, Morality, Justice, Freedom and Equality” book. Hahah.

For the best friends who are wondering, YES, we’re both fine. After all we’ve been through to get to where we are; it isn’t going to be as easy as that to go back one step. But, I still love you guys for everything y’all did that week to cheer me up. Thanks Dian honey and Aiman… I’ll love both of you forever. (: And of course you Sayang, love you la dude ;D

“Yes there’s love if you want it, don’t sound like no sonnet, my lord”

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I'm a little drunk, and I need you now

"Drinking 'cause you're looking so good in your Starbucks cup"

Ahoy there matey. (: I haven't been on blogger since forever. Last I wrote here was when I just got to Kedah but now I'm in the middle of my mid sem break and it has been wonderful so far. *grins* But before I update on anything, I just gotta say one thing.. For those haters out there, yeah, you guys, who are sitting there still pathetically reading my blog denying the fact that you are oh-so-obsessed with me please just either shut the fuck up (because if you keep posting hate comments on my blog it just proves that I'm right, that you ARE obsessed with me) OR have the decency to not comment as 'anonymous'; because at least that would mean you still have some form of pride in you. Oh and please, use proper english please... I don't understand idiot language. Thank you very much. (Although, the blog was commented about a month ago so I might already be friends w the 'used to be' haters by now)

Anyhoo, Kedah's actually not that bad if you overlook the fact that it can get really hot there. It also helps that I have good friends I can count on around, but the place itself pun memang isn't that bad. Studying law isn't as easy as people say it was gonna be, like seriously, the things I have to learn are so bloody hard and disturbingly new to me that I cannot even fathom how people manage to memorise these things and practice them, enough to make a living out of it. Assignments for the mid sem break are a pain in the ass, but I think I'll manage to balance between my studies and seeing my lovelies.

Saw the bestfriend for lunch, dinner and also some lovely Wondermilking hari tu. I mean, who can resist free cupcakes and weird drinks that you can only get at Wondermilk right? THANKS AUNTY JAJA! :D We were supposed to be studying economics and law but instead we ended up yapping away, it didn't help that Aunty Jaja served us yummy cookies while we were happily talking about colouring and stuff. Tee heee~

Also saw some of my favourite boys last night.. Didn't expect the night to turn out the way it did though it was still fucking fantastic. Damn I ♥ those boys. Didn't know you guys felt that way about that certain girl, couldn't believe you've been through that much pain, didn't realise how fucking loaded that certain boy is, don't really wanna know about that boy's preferences and stuff. Too bad Man couldn't be there 'cause, boo hoo, he's stuck in Segamat studying. Thanks for coming all the way here guys, and thanks for that great night. For the record, I did miss you Syam.. Just didn't wanna tell you :P Hahahahah.

Spent my day trying to finish my assignments to no avail.. Dah la I left some of my homework in Kedah, so that was smart of me. -.- Lunching with Creeper toms. Untill then. Toodles.


(credits to Aunty Jaja (: )

"My beating heart belongs to you, I walked for miles 'till I found you"

Thursday, June 10, 2010

UITM di hati ku.

Woke up at one today realising that I have absolutely nothing to do. Done all my CSC homework, gone through the first chapter of Federal Constitution, and had all my clothes washed, dried and ironed. It has been difficult getting used to the fact that my weeks all start on Sunday and that I am now in a jungle in the middle of a city in fucking Sungai Petani, Merbok, Kedah. I'm not gonna lie, the view here is exceptionally breathtaking and the mornings here are fucking spectacular. But the nights here are still, quiet and dead. I have only been here for about 6 days and already I find myself bored out of my fucking mind. I will never in my life take PJ for granted ever again. I wanna kiss the walls and floors of OU once I get home (hopefully next week).

Here, the search for KL/Selangor people has been very, very difficult. But I managed to find a few that I can actually sit down and have an actual conversation with. There's Puteri, E for short, who comes from Ampang. There's Mimi from Cheras and Man from Bangi. People here don't really like us because we, well, actually I don't know why they don't like us.. But whatever la, aku datang sini nak belajar.

Anyhoo, they have starbucks here in Kedah, which is a definite plus. And eventhough the KL people are rare, they are here and we do have fun, sort of. I have been terribly homesick, undeniably crying in the semi-darkness when my roomie is asleep. I can't believe I missed Aiman's birthday thingy, I can't believe I wasn't there when Dian found out she got the scholarship, I can't believe I'm not there for the world cup with sayang and most importantly Ic can't believe I am not there to savour the two weeks yang my parents tak ada. FUCK. But like everyone keeps saying to me, and me to myself, everything happens for a reason and I will damn well make it through this year and a half alive and get my awesome CGPA and go on to become a succesful, rich person.

But, before I become that succesful person.. God please la help me get through this. MY HEART IS HOMESICK FOR YOU AIMAN DANIAL D': YOU OWE ME A LONG HUGGGGGGG and a wet, wet, WET kiss. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. I love you, wait for me okay? You better behave yourself baby. I sayang you. (: BTW, memang tak lah UITM di hati ku. -.-

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Painting Flowers.

Strange maze, what is this place? I hear voices over my shoulders. Nothings making sense at all. Wonder, why do we race? And every day were running in circles. Such a funny way to fall. Try to open up my eyes Im hopin for the chance to make it alright.

When I wake up The dream isnt done I wanna see your face and know I made it home. If nothing is true What more can I do? I am still painting flowers for you. Woah

Throw my cards, give you my heart. Wish we could start all over. Nothing's making sense at all. Try to open up my eyes, Im hopin for a chance to make it alright.

When I wake up The dream isnt done I wanna see your face and know I made it home. If nothing is true What more can I do? I am still painting flowers for you. I am still painting flowers for you.

I heard everything you said. I dont wanna lose my head.

When I wake up The dream isn't done I wanna see your face and know I made it home. If nothing is true What more can I do? I am still painting flowers for you.

I ♥ you.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Weeks go by like days..

True to the title... these past few weeks have been passing me by like days. I've had a bunch of days when I felt "wasn't it just yesterday that I did ____" but in reality it was like a few weeks ago. Anyways, this past few weeks have been nothing short of great... What with Sayang being like the ultimate boyfriend ever and my friends being all nice to me. Life's been great.

Today Akmal, Man and Fooza came to visit me at work. :D I loveeeeeee. They drove all the way from Setiawangsa just to surprise me okay. We had a good talk, tapi, seriously tak puas. So I hope I'm gonna be seeing them soon. But Man's going back to Segamat on wednesday and Fooza's classes at Taylors are starting again next week. Missed Sham, he didn't come.. Was stuck in his short sem. Mehh. So, I pun tak tahu la when's the next time I get to see them.

Then the boyfriend wanted to come with Encik Addin Perosak Tali Guitar Orang. But, he heard that I had friends with me... So tak jadi. I miss you baby. :(

Later pulak, Haziq came with Ya Nadiraaaa. And it was weird, considering I don't think I've ever sat down with Ya and Haziq together. Just us. Had a talk about a bunch of people, then, Ya, who was grounded (HAHAH) had to go home and Haziq had to go be gay and watch a movie berdua duaan with another guy.

OH and Sabrina wore the dress we went to look for together hari tu! My gooooodness her legs are like damn panjaaaaaaaaaang. The short skirt made 'em look even the more panjang. So prettyy. But she tak sesuai la pakai make up :( She looks so much better au naturale. I must keluar and lepak with her one of these days. Then Naz passed his driving test today, so when he gets his new car, I wanna go lepak with him. Bring him go shisha at mentari, suruh bawak Saiful and kawan kawan mereka... Nak sayang? (:

I should be finishing my RSC essay la actually right now.. But I am like damn malas. Why lah. -.- Pretty sure, I've got more important things to tell.. But can't think of any right now. Untill next time. love.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

'Ku janjikan aku ada'

"I'm becoming amazed how, you're quite affectionate in public"

It's been very good lately I can't help but feel very afraid that things are going to go wrong, big time, soon. I mean, people just don't get to be this happy and not have to face serious consequences.

Tonight was great, really Sayang, I love you too. You are the greatest (: Pretty glad to spend the majority of the night with you, I mean, just you and me and our hearts beating as one, the night was perfect. (jiwang sangat yang? (x ) Here's tonight's letter to you... And yes, this time you boleh senyum sorang sorang sebab if you're reading this then most likely I tak ada dengan you. Ngeeee~

I am starting to notice how when describing you, describing us, my words tend to sound like I am living in a fairytale. But believe me Sayang, no one else has ever made a fairytale come true for me like you have. I love it, lying in bed, not doing anything, but just lying there, me in your warm embrace, completely immersed in our love for each other.

You have absolutely no idea, how much I wanted to cry and burst out in happiness hearing you say the words I have only imagined a lover would say to me (and yes, you make me just as happy, love). I felt like I could implode and explode at the same time from pure happiness. Trust me when I say, I wish that I could just lie there, in your arms, forever. You might not be able to see my face within these words that I've written, but believe me, I'm smiling like I have never smiled before, my face, completely radiating with joy.

I would love to wake up next to you every morning, love. See you still fast asleep, face all serene, then me going to the kitchen making you your morning coffee, slightly sweeter than mine (because you like your coffee sweet) then eating breakfast in front of the telly. You know honey, it's because of moments like this, I know everything that I have sacrificed getting here, was worth it. Every single tear, and sleepless nights, all insignificant compared to the reward that I get for having the guts to kiss you that night. To make the night all the better, you remembered the date you so casually asked me to be with you, even when I don't (:

My dearest Aiman Danial, yes, I am madly in love with you too. And I almost believed that you do love me more, until I realised that it's impossible for you to love me, more than I love you. Thank you for the song Sayang. I love you, like a lot. Like plenty. And definitely for forever. Lover or not.

I know you don't like to read Sayang, but it means a lot when you read my letters. I love you. Thanks for being the best, thank you for always being there. I guess we really can't fight fate, I'd be more than happy to be spending the remainder of my life with you. You know I need you just as much as you need me (it explains how we stay friends even after everything we have been through kan?). I love you.

Friends who are reading this and regretting they did sebab terlalu sappy and jiwang, blame the boyfriend, he's just too lovely. Hehe.

Untill next time, with much love.

"Aku mau mendampingin dirimu, aku mau cintai kekuranganmu. Selalu bersedia bahagiakanmu, apa pun terjadi, kujanjikan aku ada"

Thursday, March 18, 2010


"Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it's very important that you do it. I tend to agree with the first part."

So I saw Remember Me today. Yeah, that Robert Pattinson/Pierce Brosnan movie. No, I didn't watch it because Robert's in it... I saw it because it really did look like a healthily, depressing movie. And, it did not dissappoint. It was everything it seemed to be, healthily, depressing. It was pretty damn good. But, throughout the whole movie, I had this tiny voice in the back of my head, repeatedly reminding me that that's Edward Cullen. My god, it was so annoying, the voice. Everytime Tyler (Rob's character) eats or goes out in daylight, the voice will be like "LOOK! HE'S EATING!" or "LOOK! HE'S NOT SPARKLING!" or "LOOK! HE DOESN'T HAVE TO CONTROL HIS SEXUAL URGES". It was so funny, the sex scenes were COMPLETELY cut out of the movie, and they didn't cut it out subtly...What was so funny was how the audience reacted to the cut out scenes. Everytime a sex scene was cut, you could literally hear people muttering and complaining and sighing to themselves. Hahahahaha.

Aside from the annoying voice in the back of my head and the cut out sex scenes, I enjoyed it. Definitely 9 out of 10. The only complain I have is that, it's annoying how the screen goes dark the moment Tyler died. (SORRY, should have warned, spoiler alert! xD ) I mean, I thought it'd have a bigger impact if the scene when the plane crashed into the World Trade Centre was shown. But I guess, they didn't have enough budget or they didn't want to start a controversy or something. Yeah.

I want myself a Tyler Hawkins. He is so *droooooools*. No, not looks, but his character on the whole was so goddamn attractive. Dahlah I'm a sucker for guys fighting, (explains why I'm with my sayang. Haha. Taklah, iKid (: ) especially if they get slighty bloody and and bruised and cuts. Oh, so yummy. So, when I saw the fight scene, I was completely taken by Tyler. Yum. Should've gone to see it with the boyfriend though, needed a warm arm around me when I got sad.

Okay, okay. Enough about the movie. My day.. The rest of it was okay. No, it went swimmingly actually. Thanks you for the movie and lunch! (You know who you are) Saw Iman, gossiped sampai tak ingat dunia. Haha. Suka. :D We should totally do that again sometime soon, tapi kena better setting lah. Hehehehehe. Looked for people, tapi semua dah tak kerja ke apa? -.-

Oh well.

Reminder to myself, if any of my days after this gets crappy, I shall remember how happy I am today and rejoice knowing that it is possible to be this happy and appreciative of life. Today started (to be honest), slightly bumpy, what with me being a worry wart and all, but it went great all day long after. I only have god to thank. (:

I shall now go to sleep. I hope I see the boyfriend tomorrow.. Missed him dearly. I love you sayang. (:

Night everybodeh. xoxo.

"Some moments bring us together, Some moments tear us apart, Some moments change us forever.”

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Izinkin saya berbicara dalam Bahasa Melayu. Hehe, teringin nak buat blog dalam Bahasa Melayu. Tapi, bukan nak cakap apa pun.. Lagu ni, tersangkut (?) dalam otak, jadi rasa perlu salin liriksnya kat sini. Fuck, I give up... The lyrics make me so fucking mellow, but in a good way (?)

Bila aku jatuh cinta Aku mendengar nyanyian 1000 dewa dewi cinta Menggema dunia

Bila aku jatuh cinta
Aku melihat matahari Kan datang padaku Dan memelukku dengan sayang

Bila aku jatuh cinta
Aku melihat sang bulan Kan datang padaku Dan menemani aku

Melewati dinginnya mimpi
Melewati dinginnya mimpi…aa…a…a.

Bila aku jatuh cinta… jatuh cinta Bersama dirimu Peluk aku…dan ciumlah aku Sayang…

I shall update soon. Off to go be mellow by myself.

xoxo. Q.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Lips pressed close to mine,

"...true blue"

So The Times magazine said that people you dream about are people that are wanting to see you. I dream about you a lot... Does that mean you are constantly wanting to see me? (:

I just had to write this down some where. Hihi.

P.S. Ben's awesome.

P.P.S. This is awesome. (;

Boyfriend, boyfriend. I love you :D

"You are the only exception"

Friday, February 26, 2010

Saturdaaaaaaaay oooooooh.

"This is a stick up, give us all your inspirations baby"

I am listening to Saturday by Fall Out Boy, hence, the title.. Not because it is actually Saturday. Now that that is cleared out, let me start for real.

I'm not sure if it's creepy or if it's a good thing that I now blog daily (almost). :O It's not like I'm not tired, but if what a friend say is true, then I must try to use my writing skills as much as I can if I ever want to get out of this writer's block. My eyes are half asleep, but I'm determined to write, plus I need to finish this book.

So let me tell you about today (since I really really have nothing interesting to talk about). I have about two new bruises on my right hand, and currently, I can't twist my right wrist around.. fun. Also, I need to issue a very very big thank you to a Sabrina for being a sweetheart and paying for our dinner tonight (ALL 10 OF US okay!). It must've cost a bomb, considering the number of people who came to join dinner with us after. So thanks again Sab, you don't suck so much sometimes (:

Then yesterday, I realized that if we looked hard enough at the night sky, we'll see that there's plenty of stars we'd usually miss. So there I was, lying under the open night sky, completely in awe God's creation, though at the same time complaining that we hardly ever get to see stars (like plenty of 'em) at night here in the city when I realised that the little, less noticeable stars were twinkling almost violently at me... It was as if they were trying their very hardest for me to notice them. I quietly apologised to the stars and continued admiring the night sky. You people should try it sometime, it makes you feel humbled and reminds you that we sometimes need to stop moving at such a fast pace and stop to smell the roses or in my case; lie down under the open, unbelievably beautiful night sky.

On that note, I shall go to sleep. Work tomorrow. I don't know how Sab's gonna do it on no sleep (part of the reason I declined her offer for tonight... heheeee). Nighty night.

Boyfriend, if you're reading this.. I am so gonna miss running my fingers through your hair when you cut it off :( I wish you luck for that thing! xD See you in your tux soon, love. I love love loveeee you. (:

"Let the leaves fall off in the summer and let December glow in flames"

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


So, while I was cleaning my room some few weeks ago, I found a letter I wrote when I was twelve for my (then) bestfriend, Aishah (which I of course never did gave the letter to her). It was surprising, to say the least how good my english was when I was twelve (this said, because I found other letters that I've written, and needless to say... My english was, to say the least, embarassing. Aside from that, what's so surprising was that my point of views haven't really changed much since I was twelve... That could mean one of two things, either I haven't grown up or I was pre-mature... but, it could also mean I'm just weird. Eitherway, I thought I'd share it here, since I feel like I have yet to share something truly personal that comes from deep within me... at least, the twelve year old me.

"Dear Aishah,

I think it is better when a person changes because that would mean that that person has evolved into something else because that would mean that at least they have the capability to adapt to new situations instead of staying in the same stoic mental state of mind. It was okay to be following you around for almost all of my primary school life, but I have come to realise that it is no longer okay for you to keep me on an invicible, but very long leash. It would be a huge lie if you (after reading this) come up to me and say you never kept me on a leash, because bitch, you know very well you did. That was all you wanted to be, the Queen Bee... And now that primary school is coming to an end, let's see the Queen Bee get thrown off the throne for good.

When you said I've changed because I 'no longer appreciate' your opinion, it was shocking to me.. Not because you said I've changed, but because you were actually paying attention to me and the things I say for once, enough to realise that I no longer wish to participate in this half-life, half-lie that I lead with you. Pretending that your boy problems (what with you cheating on that certain boy, and juggling him with those OTHER boys from your agama school) is way more important than anything I was going through. You must have fallen off from your bed when I talked back to you, instead of accepting every little hurtful thing you said to/about me like I usually do.

Aishah, finally standing up for myself isn't changing, it is just me finally getting my courage to be who I am. I like being me, at least who I am right now. If you really are my bestfriend, you would have been here with me, embracing me in this new light, but instead, like the cold stone you are, you stand there, arms wrapped around your very lamely, skinny fgure, the statue of a girl full of spite. How are you to be my friend, when clearly, you cannot accept such good change? I may very well change again in 5, 10 years time, and during that time I shall embrace the change, because let's face it, no one stays the same forever (because then the world will never evolve right?) and if you can't accept me in this whole new light how are you to accept me in 5, 10 years time? Eventhough I have tolerated and most importantly accepted you for who you are and all your daily tantrums and gedik-ness, you refuse to accept me... just when I start to learn about and to love myself. Now what does that say about you miss queen? Worst part is, instead of me leaving you (as it should be), you are leaving me for Iman!!! I do hope everything in your life works out for you, I really do. And I just know that my next bestfriend would be a million times better than you, and she or he, would NEVER leave me because I have evolved, my bestfriend would embrace the change and walk with me, step by step towards greatness, that is our future.

I always thought you were diamond in the rough, but you had to prove me wrong, I now see that you are stone... Cold, icy stone.

Have a good life.


About the 'Nicky', I can totally explain. We used to fancy ourselves the Hilton girls... naturally, I'm Nicky, the less famous, less prettier of the two... By choice of course, I always gave her what she wanted. I guess that was my fault really, couldn't blame her for leaving eyh? I mean, imagine her shock when she realised that I actually have backbone. Hahahahaha. If you know me, you'd see that I haven't changed much actually... Except the part where I let people walk all over me. I also don't walk on eggshells anymore. But other than that, I think my opinions are still, more or less similar to the twelve year old me. I haven't changed much really, it's just people that have yet to open their eyes and SEE me clearly and not just a shadow behind another person.

Reading the letter, and holding it in my hand really made me miss that passion, and fire I had for writing when I was years younger. I wish I haven't been stuck on this bloddy writer's block for the past two and a half years. God, please grant me some inspiration. Amin.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dao Of St. Paul

I've had this song on repeat for the past month. I listen to it when I go to work, when I'm at work, when I'm going home from work, during my morning showers and just about a million more times before I finally can fall asleep. It's just one of those songs that you get stuck playing over and over again once you've really heard it. I'll put the lyrics, verse by verse between my update.

In this night, I need to call you but all the lines are blown. If only you knew, how empty I feel. But maybe then you're lonely too, and it's tearing through you like a punctured wound. Maybe no one knows what to do. When we know we're alone in a temporary home. Maybe we'll realize that's a blessing in disguise. A blessing in disguise.

Let's see, works been fine. It's work, nothing much to elaborate on. Thank you to all you sexy people who came to visit me. If you didn't get free ice cream, don't blame me... You all yang leave tiba tiba *coughyakikizhafcough* Hahah. My brother's operation, Alhamdulillah, went splendidly. He's staying over here for a bit, while he recovers (Mama's boy kan). And my not very pregnant anymore sister gave birth to a beautiful but oddly has the same skintone as me boy, named Nur Muhammad Darwisy (: He's a loud, eerily adult baby, nevertheless, still very lovable.

Well don't you know the sound of anger brings a dark result. And every insult is like a lightning bolt. So go home now, oh yeah, you don't have one, to some guy that you don't know. And make a baby, but that won't change my problem though. I spent the last three years setting myself on fire for you. I spent the last three years never knowing if what you say is true. And it'll be this way until one of us dies. Is that a blessing in disguise? It's a blessing in disguise.

On a rather sad note, my sister from another father is leaving for Singapore on the 6th! :( Just two days shy from her birthday, which means we shall ALL be celebrating our birthdays (all four of us hopefully, since kita semua birthday in March) together. Or I'll just celebrate with her and skinny mini since she owes me a meal anyway. *cue evil grin* Therefore, I shall not be going to Paramore since I cannot take another day off from work, which is quite sad. But as I was getting my panties twisted in a bunch after I realized that I'm not going to Paramore, Ira texted to see if I wanted to go to Placebo. I say "FUCK YEAH!" but then again, I may be working on that day *double :(*

And I tell myself what we're living for. And say: rejoice, evermore. Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah 'Til one of us dies.

What else, what else. Erm, Haiqal got his hair cut recently, which was weird because he's had long hair all his life! But, comel lah dia with short hair! :D And on that happy note, I saw the boyfriend today.. It was so weird, I had to share this. I didn't know he was coming to visit me at work, and when I saw him walk into the place I think I just froze for a bit. I've missed him so much! :') I bet he didn't know how fast my heart was beating as I rushed towards him for a much needed, warm, loving hug. My heart kept beating really hard and fast the whole time he was there, for some reason, it felt like falling all over again only harder. (: And considering how shitty my day was today, he was like a breath of fresh air after being immersed in dark, murky waters. Love, I still miss you, I love you, and regardless of what happens, especially after tonight, believe me I'm always going to be here for you. Lover, friend, whatever (as you should know, I always stick around). I wish I could've been more help though, with tonight :/ I love you. (:

Well I confess that so far happiness eludes me in my life. You better hurry up if its ever to be mine. Better hurry up now if we're ever gonna find, what we're living for. If it's not you, anymore. I'll learn, To sing: Evermore, rejoice.

I hope everything else in the near future will turn out good. Especially regarding certain complications. Amiiiiin. Anyways, I shall now enjoy being able to not worry what time I should be up tomorrow since it is, my day off from ice cream. :D

Evermore, rejoice


Monday, February 15, 2010


Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Chops" because that was the name of his dog And that's what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and a gold star And his mother hung it on the kitchen door and read it to his aunts That was the year Father Tracy took all the kids to the zoo And he let them sing on the bus And his little sister was born with tiny toenails and no hair And his mother and father kissed a lot And the girl around the corner sent him a Valentine signed with a row of X's and he had to ask his father what the X's meant And his father always tucked him in bed at night And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines he wrote a poem And he called it "Autumn" because that was the name of the season And that's what it was all about And his teacher gave him an A and asked him to write more clearly And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because of its new paint And the kids told him that Father Tracy smoked cigars And left butts on the pews And sometimes they would burn holes That was the year his sister got glasses with thick lenses and black frames And the girl around the corner laughed when he asked her to go see Santa Claus And the kids told him why his mother and father kissed a lot And his father never tucked him in bed at night And his father got mad when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook he wrote a poem And he called it "Innocence: A Question" because that was the question about his girl And that's what it was all about And his professor gave him an A and a strange steady look And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door because he never showed her That was the year that Father Tracy died And he forgot how the end of the Apostle's Creed went And he caught his sister making out on the back porch And his mother and father never kissed or even talked And the girl around the corner wore too much makeup That made him cough when he kissed her but he kissed her anyway because that was the thing to do

And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed his father snoring soundly That's why on the back of a brown paper bag he tried another poem And he called it "Absolutely Nothing" Because that's what it was really all about And he gave himself an A and a slash on each damned wrist And he hung it on the bathroom door because this time he didn't think he could reach the kitchen.

If you don't know where this is from, you might as well get a razor blade and kill yourself.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The sorting hat says that I belong in Hufflepuff!

Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."

Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Diggory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament.


I wanted Slytherin, this sucks. :(

Friday, January 22, 2010

You've got a problem here.

And then, just because it's stuck in my head. And it feels kind of appropos.

Excuse me, yeah I'm talking to you.
Look in the mirror, could you tell me what you see?
Hard hearts are crashing in a crowded room
.You never felt so good, you never felt so free.

Save you from yourself
Before you start to deal with everyone else.
You should have kept it to yourself,
Now we're looking to fight, this isn't alright.

Alright, you better hold your scripted tongue
If you ever plan to use those words again.
The future doesn't make much sense
With you at the helm with your friends.
This is where that ends.

You've got a problem here.
The tide is turning you inside out.
This won't take long your reign is done.
We are the innocent ones
You can't take back the damage done
This is the last time you will shine.

Spare us your excuse,
'Cause this exercise of self-abuse will swallow everything that you hold dear
The further you are, the closer we get,
The more you need to hold your scripted tongue
If you ever plan to use those words again.
The hallways are filled with silence & gawking stares that don't care.
This is where that ends.

This won't take long your reign is done.
We are the innocent ones
You can't take back the damage done
This is the last time you will shine
The last time you will shine.
The last time you will shine.

This is the last time.

If I just breathe,

"This won't take long, your reign is done. We are the innocent ones"

My fingers have been itching for me to just type out a few things. But words really do escape me, when I am in front of the lappy, dead in the quiet of the night. Although it is quite a nice change being in front of the lappy at night as opposed to having to be asleep early to avoid the oncoming midnight headache, or puking my guts out into the wee hours. Speaking of being sick, the area of the hole where they stuck a big ass needle in and sucked my blood out for testing purposes is still blue... Is it supposed to still be blue? And my arm is STILL sore, is that normal? :/ The same isn't happening to my little brother whom I think had his arm prodded in like, six different veins. Yech.

Anyways, my elder brother on the other hand got admitted into the ward just now... So I guess he's doing worse. I'm not worried though, so you don't be for me. What else is new and different? Oh, had a bunch of gossiping done. That's what happens when girls get together. (x And I realised my boyfriend has this habit of calling me to say lame jokes, which is pretty adorable I must admit. Tee Hee. He surprises me that one, I mean coming into this... I had certain expectations of how he would be.... but then he's never ceased to prove me wrong which is a really, really good thing. You sweetheart. I guess, I don't really have anything more that I can say here. ;) Besides, I need to be up early... A friend is coming over.

Have a good night. xoxo.

P.S. In this moment, life is prettay good. (: Thank you god.

"We live in a beautiful place, let love take away all this pain. Our hearts are as dark as the rain."