Monday, March 31, 2014

Wingardium leviosa.

Julien compared love to bungee jumping. The ability to find the courage to jumpa off a ledge despite being terrified of the outcome.

Will you fall? Definitely. But will your faith keep you safe? Yes... Most of the time. Just like the rope used in bungee jumping, sometimes it snaps. Sometimes your faith, like the rope, is weak and you hit the ground.

But, just like Julien said, the ability to find the courage to jump is an impressive feat and one should not be afraid to fall.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Anderson part 1.

Anderson hates apples and school work and being in public.
Anderson finds comfort in being alone.
Anderson is always alone.
Anderson is not lonely.
Anderson is not lonely.
Anderson is not lonely.
Anderson doesn't know what loneliness is anymore.
Anderson is always alone.
Anderson hates apples.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Epik High's Map The Soul

The poetry that you whisper will echo
through eternity.
The sound of your breath overflows the ears with
every note in musical history.
I'm picking up the pieces of me.
I'm a jigsaw puzzle that fits together to form a desolate
portrait called 'trouble'.
My heart is a rotting basement.
A convict imprisoned in the prison of self, living in the mix with rats.
Everyone mocked my strait-jacket gestures. Was
so sick, my insides twisting and turning like a moebius strip.
So I turned my ear to my inner self and had a three-way conversation between me, myself, and I.
I was captive to a deceptive sense of good and evil.
Caught in the ways of the world.
I was blind because my two eyes, filled with reality,
decieved me.
Now that I've opened up my third eye,
I can see clearly. You are my inspiration, my eternity and my soul.
Without you I got no reason to go on.
I live by breathing you.
My cocooned soul blossoms into a butterfly and soars.

No reason to live without you

You are my sky
And inside you, I saw the sun
I was living in darkness, but now with the light you've given me
I can harvest the field of my heart.
A kiss that brings Spring.
I let out a long sigh because I'm afriad to let go of winter, but like the two ends of the earth
we push and pull.
We are stuck together, like Nother and South Korea.
From the beginning, we were a one-piece existence splite into two.
In the eardrum that we share,
the world 'love' echoes.
Our meeting was destiny.
Even if you're a beautiful blade. I will place you in my hands.
Even if your heart is like the wind, I will follow you.
Even if I must choose the darkness of hell, I will gladly close my eyes and let go of the light,
for you.

No reason to live without you

You are a bright window
in the prison cell that is life.
A river that is like the sea.
Once I fall in, I can't get out.
My weak feet take me into you.
If you ask for my soul, I will give it to you.

Without you, my heart is an empty theater.
How could I survive the world
with such a weak heart?
I wouldn't last a day. You, my rainy April,
I will protect you till the end of the world.

L.O.V.E you, I was made to be with you, made to be with you, made to be with you.

Had good coffee today.

My friend brought me to lunch at her friend's house today. It was nice. Her friend cooked a feast. Halfway through the meal her husband asked to be excused. When he left, the wife (my friend's friend) started crying.

It was that special kind of crying, where your tears just flow silently in a steady stream. I didn't understand.

Their baby started crying in the room above, but no one seemed to notice. We ate our food and my friend continued to chatter cheerfully. It was a bizarre scene. I finished my food just as the baby stopped crying.

After lunch she served us coffee. I had two cups. The coffee was divine but the conversations were awkward. No one seemed to pay attention to what they or anyone else was saying. I sat quietly savoring my coffee. We left not long after that, her husband never returned.

On our way back my friend told me he was in the back shooting up.

I had no idea heroine addicts could look so well put together.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

"Can I invite you in to the sorrow that has become my home?"


Saturday, March 15, 2014

Good things after midnight.

Still air of midnight comes alive with laughters of friends
Old memories and past mistakes
Shared deep in the dead of night
None to be heard but the echoes of voices
Reminiscing the have beens and have nots

A flurry of thoughts rushing out through fast tongues
My foggy mind recalling moments past once forgotten
Simple pleasures.
Ah, simple pleasures.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Blow me a bubble or two.

I don't want to die. At least not now.

But there are days when you just need everything to slow down.
Some days you just want life to stop.
But not to die. Never to die.
You just want to stop being.

Existing is such a burden.

What would it feel like to vanish into thin air like a bubble? (Must be nice).

Sometimes when I heave and cry,
And the crushing pain weighs heavy in the hollow of my soul,
The kind of pain that is unlike any physical pain I am accustomed to,
When I am curled up in a fetal position like an unborn child not ready to face the world,
I would hear the sound of my mother's voice shouting at a 4 year old me, telling me to stop or she would hit me again and again and again.

Sometimes I would swallow my tears and will myself to stop reacting to the crushing pain I feel bringing me down inside.

And I would tell her, in the voice of the 4 year old me "no more. No more. No more."

Monday, March 3, 2014

The weather today resonates my state of mind as of late.