Sometimes when I heave and cry,
And the crushing pain weighs heavy in the hollow of my soul,
The kind of pain that is unlike any physical pain I am accustomed to,
When I am curled up in a fetal position like an unborn child not ready to face the world,
I would hear the sound of my mother's voice shouting at a 4 year old me, telling me to stop or she would hit me again and again and again.

Sometimes I would swallow my tears and will myself to stop reacting to the crushing pain I feel bringing me down inside.

And I would tell her, in the voice of the 4 year old me "no more. No more. No more."