Monday, August 31, 2009


"His heart races faster just for her, why can't we be like we were?"

It's fucking two in the morning and I'm online. I'm so sick of this SEJARAH book. I think I might just puke if I tried to read it some more. *goes to keep sejarah book in the school bag*

Anywaaaays, I just suddenly felt the need to type so here I am, on fucking blogger. Sorry for all the cursing, i can't help it with my shit mood.

I have some stuff I need to get off my chest, if you know me, don't ask me about what I'm about to type out here. Sooo, today I wore my good bra. You know the kind that makes your tits look really cute. Why I chose to wear it today? Beats me. Wasn't like I was out to do anything that requires me to take off my shirt or was I? Hahaha. *graphic, I know. Sorry*

On other topics, i saw 'I Love You, Beth Cooper'. It was pretty good, not because the movie was actually that good but because it was all about, graduation and growing up and stuff. I'm in my senior year of high school kan? So it kinda makes me feel all 'awwww' inside thinking 'wow, I'm in that stage of my life'. There were two parts that I actually liked... 1. When the nerd was giving his valedictorian speech and 2. When the nerd's bestfriend said 'So I think I might be gay or bi'. love both scenes because it's so 'awww'. The movie itself, wasn't so good.

Oh, other things I had to let out was: Ah damn it. You're not _______ ___ anymore. That really hurts me, in such a way that I don't understand because it's just a goddamn ________. And then there's you. Why is it so wrong and so fucking awesome at the same time? Aaa, fuck. And it all went by in a dream like state, my mind was literally shut down when I did the things I did. Fuck it. Imma sleep now. Night fuckers.

PS: My hair smells like ________. I love/hate it.

"You greedy little thick ho, god I feel for you, fool"

Saturday, August 29, 2009

For once I want to be the car crash,

"There's got to be something better than in the middle"

I don't believe there is such thing as 'freedom of speech'. Yes, of course you are allowed to say anything you want, but do you? I'm not talking about political rights or anything like it.. I'm talking about things you talk about with the people around you. When you find yourself hating someone you've loved for the past god knows how long, I don't believe that you'd go in their face and say 'I hate you'. Or when you think the shit your teachers made you do at school is in fact, shit, do you go up to your teachers and say 'Sir/miss/mrs, the work you've given us is shit'. I believe not, unless you're an extremely rude person. Gah, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Nevertheless, I will take the cowardice road tonight and say... Fuck you. I hate you. Seriously, go jump off a cliff or something. Fuck you for making me feel this way. Fuck off. I'd say 'get out of my life' but I'd rather not... As fucked up as you are, I enjoy the..erm, company?

Call me a fucking hypocrite, because I am. Fuck it, so are you.

... I'm so sick of this terrible mood. It's not like I'm not used to this, I get like this for a duration of time once every year, I call it my 'time out' months. And honestly, I don't mind the hostility I feel or the hatred that's all pent up in me, or the flood of negativity that rushes through me... I just hate not being able to let it out. During my time out months, I can never fucking let it out... Either it's me holding on to the negativity or you people holding on to your negativity. The worst part about this time of the year is that I automatically go on 'Happy-Auto-Pilot' and I'll come off as extra happy, excited, ecstatic, hyper and anything else that's positive because it'd be really unfair for people around me if I got fucking fucked up around them. But then again, that's why it's all pent up. This time of the year, I find it so fucking difficult to restrain myself from telling people what I really think about your fucking huge thighs or ugly ass child or your dead father who's been dead for the last gazillion years... yes, I know it's mean and un-sensitive to even think things like that, but what the fuck, I only get like this once a year. Besides, even though I was thinking it, at least I still have the fucking decency not to fucking scream it in your face. I also know that if I happen to slip, karma would catch up to me, BIG time. Can't you people just take like half an hour out of your precious lives to talk to me or at least be nice to me after all the times I've spent doing all the shit for you? That would help, hah, maybe that's just wishful thinking. Don't fucking tick me off, don't fucking tempt me, don't fucking push me, just don't fuck with me. I don't need that now. You've had your chance to fuck the hell up, to fucking piss off and get all shit arsed with people, let me have my fucking turn damn it. Fuck if you still do push my buttons if you know I'm on time out. Don't fucking ask for it. Fucking behave so I can return to being normal me sooner.

Oh and, wanna know something more fucked up? It's only been approximately a few days since my time out started and I'm already smoking through my ears. Let's see how the next couple months go. Fuck with me and you'll fucking regret it.

"We'll run until she's out of breath, she ran until there's nothin' left. She hit the end-it's just her window ledge"

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Where you gonna go?

"Where do you go to escape from yourself?"

I'm feeling truly, truly inspired tonight. In all aspects of the word. Inspired to do what exactly you ask? I haven't the faintest idea. But I love this feeling, the inspiration flowing in my veins, running through all the blood that flows deep in the beats of my heart. Late night fags always, always give me this sensation, it's like getting high only better, clearer.

In a few months, I'll be leaving school, leaving this childhood life I had come to know and love. People always tell me, life don't really change after you leave school, it only expands. But, I only hope that my life makes a full turn and changes in the best possible meaning of the word (I shall also hope to dear god that it expands). I have visions of the future, hopes of how I would lead my life, I will finally be in control of my own little world... and that prospect excites me to the extent that I cannot describe in mere words. That been said, I will not be leaving this life behind without shedding a few tears, this is my safe zone, where nothing can go wrong, where my only real concerns are scoring my exams and what to wear for my next outing with my girlfriends or how am I to find the resources to buy that really cute hoodie from Zara. ;) I realize the risks, responsibilities and commitments that only comes with my (soon to be) new found freedom, which I can only say (in the fashion that only youths can get away with) scared shitless.

I anticipate the real world with my hands wide open and hope that I have prepared myself enough to endure the tests and challenges that God and life has in store for me. I will in one way or another, check out of this long journey of life as a succesful human being. Succesful in being a true human being; a lover of life who sees the obstacles ahead of me as a learning process and not as reasons to throw in the towel. When I am matured and seasoned enough to call myself an adult, I pray that I will not be among the likes of the generic corporate success with absolutely no heart and/or soul that goes through life like a routine in a recurring nightmare.

But for now, I will enjoy and embrace my youth, my inner childhood that I pray will not dissipate as I grow older. I will savour every minute of every day while I'm still forced to wake up at 6 in the morning and don the traditional white baju kurung and turqoise skirt that I have been wearing for the past 4 years and 8 months because I know that once the uniform I once dreaded to wear is off, there will be no turning back. The real world awaits me, awaits us out there, the jungle full of despair, hope and opportunities... and it is up to us to make the best of it.

To all my fellow youths, I raise my glass and wish all the best wishes for you in stepping out of your safe zone and making the best choices in life.

Before the time comes, take it slow, what's the rush? :)

"Don't say it's easy, the hardest part is leaving. Don't you wonder why? Suddenly we're all running out of time"

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"Haven't you heard?...

<...Forever is over"

Somebody spoke and I went into a dream.
No, I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.

"Let go honey, there's beauty in breaking down."

Saturday, August 15, 2009


*warning, really, REALLY long post*

Pretty fantastic night lads. :D It was a good day, and an even more fantastic night. I forgot, no, I needed to be reminded of how much I adore concerts. The raw energy that the crowd emits, the tens of thousands of screaming fans, the look on the performers’ faces knowing that a job’s well done, the smell of sweat from all the perspiring fans, the torture of having to wait in line and endure the couple of hours before the performer(s) shows up, the treasured items thrown off the stage by those very people we’ve idolised from afar, how my heart beats against it’s cage when I scream the lines back to those very people that wrote them, the voices of a sea of people singing in unison; sharing the same interests as 14, 999 other people. It’s such a rush I’ll never be able to forget. And tonight my dear friends, is a whole different rush. The kind of rush I’ve never felt before. I went into the concert with a close minded mind, only wanting to catch a glimpse of my favourite band, but I went back home with a whole new set of mind. Like a musical kick in the place where it hurts.. Discovering (in the most fantastic way possible) how wrong I was about some of the bands I never thought was worth listening to. Thank you World Stage, you have blown my creative mind open wide tonight, once and for all.

Let’s start from the beginning. Haziq picked us up (Ira and myself) at 2.30pm and then we’re off to Sunway Lagoon. After standing in line for god knows how long, getting drizzled on, a few escalator mishaps and a couple of security checks, we finally made it into the moshpit area. It’s so weird, I’ve never seen the Surf Beach so… dry. Ira and I made it to the front, on the right hand side of the stage, where we could see the entrance to the backstage pretty clearly (which we then later saw the BLG boys hanging out with their soundcheck men there during Estanged's performance). Thirsty, I went to get water with Haziq. Just when I was paying for the RedBull, the MTV VJs’ started the event. Gulping down my drink, I hurried back to my spot, guarded by Ira, leaving Haziq wandering at the back with the rest of the group.

Below, the night explained in sequence… somewhat.

Weird, short, dancing, Malaysian boyv
He was the first act. I don’t know him, but apparently he’s won a few awards in America. He looks like he 'graduated' from Akademi Fantasia… but, ntah lah. He sang a song that was undoubtedly foreign to my ears and he danced his way through the upbeat jam. He even moonwalked while blowing kisses! He only sang one song, then left the stage. Dia menari boleh tahan lah.


The boys went on the stage donning weird stuff except for Rich. Rich looked completely normal. Andy had red eyes, which made him look really yummy. Hanafi looked normal, but then again he was on the other side of the stage so I’m not completely sure how he looked like. Their temp bassist, yg I tak tau nama (sorry!) had a kimono and white face paint on, ala geisha and Din had black full contacts on macam Limp Bizkit’s bassist and fake intertwining, iban style tattoos from the left side of his face sampai his left arm... Pretty darn cool. They played four(?) songs and pretty much warmed us up. Saya bangga menjadi rakyat Malaysia.

­Boys Like Girls

"I feel like a hero and you are my heroine"

Blown away man. If my memory serves me right, they played four songs as well. Coincidentally, when they started playing Thunder, it started drizzling. It was a pretty epic moment for me… hearing 15,000 voices singing along to Thunder in the drizzling rain, completely immersed in the moment. Like I said, blown away. They ended their set with The Great Escape of course, Martin’s voice drowned in the crowd because we were singing so loud. I didn’t really look at them then, I just closed my eyes, sang and enjoyed the moment. Oh and Martin climbed the pole(?) thing on my side of the stage, he went pretty high up… it was scary and exhilarating all at the same time. I think that was during Lovedrunk. As they were throwing their guitar picks, drumsticks and shit to the crowd, they said “see you in October!” Hell yeah we will. :) Oh! Oh! Before they left the stage, Martin jumped down and all hell broke lose, everyone was trying to grab a bit of Martin, I got a hold of his hand (WHEEEEEEE!!!), his star tattooed hand.

"Now she's got a boyfriend and I've got a rockband"


"Just because you can it doesn't mean you should"

Okay, this I have to say. I have to take back all I’ve said about Raygun, the only fact that I don’t like about them now is that their band is named after the lead singer. That is such a self-centered thing to do. But music-wise, they were fantastic. The Adj and his obsession with scarves + mad guitar skills, Ray and his slinky dance moves + sexay sexay voice, Ben all sweaty and yummy looking(I swear to god he is SO cute) and Sam. Hahaha. Sam is also very cute, I wouldn’t know from watching their music videos that they are all good looking people. They make crazy music too, disco inspired, edgy rock sound (sick guitar solos I tell you!) and techno-ish beats. They only sang three songs, because they only have about three songs officially out… so takpe lah. Would want to see more of them when they start headlining. Cannot wait.

"If I could write a story of love and hate and glory"

Pixie Lott

She was alright. I thought one of her backup singers was really hot. Very retro looking girl. Pixie has a beautiful singing voice, but maybe because she was wedged between all these rock bands that, to me, she came off a little dull. She’s real pretty in person though, even if she was wearing an ugly ass dress. She has only three songs, only one of which I know of which of course is Mama Do(uh oh). That particular song, a lot of people sang. She might have been dull, but she definitely don’t suck balls. x)

We had a break in between. About half an hour if I’m not mistaken. DJ Rough played a long stream of music which kept us all entertained. Some weird guy next to me kept shouting ‘ARCTIC MONKEYS! ARCTIC MONKEYS!’. I gotta thank Naomi for going off to get me water. Thanks babe! I swear, I was dying of thirst. At this point, Haziq was nowhere to be found and Ira and I were too tired to go look for him. We sat for like 15 minutes before the VJ’s came out again and started throwing t-shirts at us, which by the way I really wanted. YAAAAAAAAAAA!!! I am so jealous of you for getting the freaking shirt!

It’s been a long post, I shall continue the last half of the night in the next post. Until then, cheers! :D

Pictures(def not taken by me):

No good pictures could be found of them.


It's blurred, had to zoom up.


(sorry if the pictures are all out of place, malas nk betulkan)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

you keep me high.

"I complain for the company that I keep"

Here's a paragraph from Innocence(the book that I'm curently loving).

"I don't know why I'm telling her this. I've only known her for about half an hour. But, instinctively, I feel safe. There's an energy about her; a lightness I've never encountered in anyone before, like something's missing. And where a thick layer of convention and criticism would normally be, there's only air."

Tak ke macam suka sangat tu? I love how Piotr talks to Evie. It's so... something. (I know you probably don't understand, because you haven't read the book, but buat-buat faham dah la.) (x

It's been a shit week. I know why, some of you probably know why, some of you maybe don't even care. whatever. ngek. I'm being all emo, geli lah. Better I keep it to myself, save ya'll some time aint it?

SPM in 101 days. HAHAHA. Padan muka semua budak form five yang baca ni. Now that I've reminded you, please go study.

'Bersusah-susah dahulu, ber-enjoy enjoy kemudian'

missing the vanilla and candy mix. geli en Mags? geli en?

"falling for you is the worst thing that could happen, to you"

Monday, August 10, 2009

August Burns Red

I want to go to the All Black Party, but I've yet to turn 18 and go to New York. I'm excited about going fishing. I loike House. I still want those Ikea hot dogs. I'm off to go study now.

SPM's a bitch.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

open happiness.

"sometimes I hide"

Let's start with a smile. *smiles widely baring my teeth*

so a friend asked me this really good question... if my life were to be made into a movie, which memory/event/whateveryouwannacallit would be the most important/memorable/whateveryouwannacallit scene? I couldn't answer, because I've been through so many things that i would want people to witness. But I loved his answer. We were at the padang in front of The Boy's house and he opened his arms wide, and said "All this" or something to that effect. Sometime in the night, he also went "those are my boys"(in a totally non-sexual, not gay,not gross kind of way) and smiled. I love those boys, I truly do even if they are *sort of* seasonal friends.

I treated them all(minus one) to a good dose of grass and then some. Truth be told, they don't need grass anymore, they are perfectly happy and joyous. You see, more often than not, they're happiness are dependant on the presence of another female companion... and since more than half of them has found their, shall we say 'significant other', they are (for the time being) happy. But I treated them to the grass anyway. It wasn't the best I've had, but it sure wasn't the worst.

After more than half of them went to Dota and Smallfeet went home... OrangeJuice and Wan ate and then Wan proceeded to send me home because OrangeJuice was all woozy. x)

I for about two hours before waking up at 10 the next morning because I promised Ra we'd go to the WorldStage roadshow together at Cineleisure. So left home at about 11++ and was at The Curve by 12. We had to wait for about an hour before the show started. Denise wasn't as tall as I thought she would be. O_______o As soon as the roadshow kicked off, we immediately got in the spirit of the whole thing(we wanted the tickets really baaaaaaaaaaaaad), and we entered the contest that needed us to be all excited and energetic because the people with most spirit and energy gets a sticker that ensures their spot in the moshpit. Well, long story short... Ra and I got moshpit passes. And it took less time than we thought it would. By the time we got the passes, it was only 2pm. We went for lunch, then an expensive dessert, then Ra went home and I went to see my sister to show her the passes.... I really wanted to brag to V, but she wasn't around. Ngeh. While I was walking towards the car, I bumped into K, weird boy I tell you. He carried our new timetable in his wallet. Stayed with him for a smoke then went off with The Boy.

Skip the boring parts of the evening.

Then went over to The Boy's house because it was Sam's birthday bbq. The chicken was real good and the home made choco cake or was it brownies(?) was delicious. Oh and the air sirap + whatever soda was really good too! Sam was so cute, all embarassed when we sang happy birhtday at the padang and he had to blow the candles (again, in front of friends pulak). Then the boys took him tengah2 padang and beat him up like what boys always do. I heard the Bush song, Playground and Raindrops last night......! :D So for now, I'm content with only listening to Pax. I went home early, while the boys all went Dota..... I needed sleep, I was so deprived of it so I went back home after I took in a few puffs of grass. Woke up late today with a really bad neck cramp thanks to that ass Herri *sticks tongue out*, True Blood marathon and now I'm blogging. What a life... not. x)

I'd put up pictures but the laptop's being a bitch. next time maybe?

I miss you babes. Mana hilang lah sial?

"you will burn in hell, for all the sins that you have done"