Saturday, August 29, 2009

For once I want to be the car crash,

"There's got to be something better than in the middle"

I don't believe there is such thing as 'freedom of speech'. Yes, of course you are allowed to say anything you want, but do you? I'm not talking about political rights or anything like it.. I'm talking about things you talk about with the people around you. When you find yourself hating someone you've loved for the past god knows how long, I don't believe that you'd go in their face and say 'I hate you'. Or when you think the shit your teachers made you do at school is in fact, shit, do you go up to your teachers and say 'Sir/miss/mrs, the work you've given us is shit'. I believe not, unless you're an extremely rude person. Gah, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Nevertheless, I will take the cowardice road tonight and say... Fuck you. I hate you. Seriously, go jump off a cliff or something. Fuck you for making me feel this way. Fuck off. I'd say 'get out of my life' but I'd rather not... As fucked up as you are, I enjoy the..erm, company?

Call me a fucking hypocrite, because I am. Fuck it, so are you.

... I'm so sick of this terrible mood. It's not like I'm not used to this, I get like this for a duration of time once every year, I call it my 'time out' months. And honestly, I don't mind the hostility I feel or the hatred that's all pent up in me, or the flood of negativity that rushes through me... I just hate not being able to let it out. During my time out months, I can never fucking let it out... Either it's me holding on to the negativity or you people holding on to your negativity. The worst part about this time of the year is that I automatically go on 'Happy-Auto-Pilot' and I'll come off as extra happy, excited, ecstatic, hyper and anything else that's positive because it'd be really unfair for people around me if I got fucking fucked up around them. But then again, that's why it's all pent up. This time of the year, I find it so fucking difficult to restrain myself from telling people what I really think about your fucking huge thighs or ugly ass child or your dead father who's been dead for the last gazillion years... yes, I know it's mean and un-sensitive to even think things like that, but what the fuck, I only get like this once a year. Besides, even though I was thinking it, at least I still have the fucking decency not to fucking scream it in your face. I also know that if I happen to slip, karma would catch up to me, BIG time. Can't you people just take like half an hour out of your precious lives to talk to me or at least be nice to me after all the times I've spent doing all the shit for you? That would help, hah, maybe that's just wishful thinking. Don't fucking tick me off, don't fucking tempt me, don't fucking push me, just don't fuck with me. I don't need that now. You've had your chance to fuck the hell up, to fucking piss off and get all shit arsed with people, let me have my fucking turn damn it. Fuck if you still do push my buttons if you know I'm on time out. Don't fucking ask for it. Fucking behave so I can return to being normal me sooner.

Oh and, wanna know something more fucked up? It's only been approximately a few days since my time out started and I'm already smoking through my ears. Let's see how the next couple months go. Fuck with me and you'll fucking regret it.

"We'll run until she's out of breath, she ran until there's nothin' left. She hit the end-it's just her window ledge"

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