"dream catch me when I fall, or else I won't come back at all"
I already typed out what I wanted to post yesterday and the day before, but never got around to actually posting them. So here they are:
June 11, 2009
I miss watching the sun rise. It's been a while since I took the time to stop and smell the roses, figuratively speaking of course (I don't like flowers). My mind's been in such a tumult lately, I forgot to appreciate and thank God for all the pity and grace and chances that He's given me. No matter how many times I've tried to off myself, He's never failed to give me a chance to live and repent. I hope He forgives me for wasting His chances in vain. Also for failing to thank Him for all that He's given me and my loved ones. To you reading, here's your reminder to be thankful to God or whatever higher power you believe in. I believe that life is painful because God wants to remind us of our place in His creation. How small, frail and needy we really are. I don't complain (at least I try not to) and I don't question the things that I have to go through, knowing that I don't really deserve His kindness and grace because of all the sins that I've done. He has given me many chances at life, nearly all wasted. I pray that this time around, this chance I have I shall use wisely. I know that my reward will come once I am worthy enough to deserve it. I am tainted, cowardly and lost, it's about time I start walking in the right direction.
June 12, 2009
Ten more days. I need to visit both of you soon. I'm missing you guys terribly. I need someone to listen, and you guys do that best. I'm sorry we never we actually got a chance to actually talk. I love you, both of you. I wish you guys are alive, I'm in dire need of help. I never question why God took both of you away from me, from us. I just wish both of you are here, helping me, guiding me because I don't know what else to do.
You, please don't give up on me. I don't know why I feel this way. All these things never bothered me before, why now? Tell me how to make this go away. I don't know how to begin to describe, to express, to let out. I need help. Just this once, let the world revolve around me instead of you.
You know what? forget it. I need to just breathe.
I didn't re-check the post. So please pardon my english and the grammatical errors.
"I'm under that night. I'm under those same stars"