A.

"Still it's you I can't deny"

This boy is like a philosopher I tell you. The way he talks and how he says things, the way his mind works, just boggles me. Wow. Just Wow. He's said some pretty nice things to cheer me up when I'm down some, and he gave me plenty of advice that were actually well thought out for a guy. So I guess, friend, you are kind of the bomb. Thanks. ;D

So he told me today that everyone deserves happiness. Not sure if I believe that because I know a handful of people that I dare say dont deserve happiness. But that's just me eyh? Haha. Anyways, his point was that I deserved mine. He spent 30 minutes emphasizing on that... Which couldve been draggy and annoying, but it was surprisingly the opposite. I loved his choice of words when it comes to explaining about happiness and how we shouldnt let anyone or anything stand in our way of it. I can't recall exactly what he said, but it made something inside me click, for some odd reason lah. I wont go into details about what else he said, but he was right. He voiced everything I felt, that I didnt ever want to admit or hear myself say out loud. So I guess you can say he's my inner voice. HAHA. Good conversation.

He ended with, "Why would you let others punish you for being happy?"

Hmm, there's a thought eh? Bottom line is, if you're happy, nothing could ever bother you right? ...RIGHT.

I'm happy. (: And nothing will bring me down. Despite everything. Everything.

PS: Awesome blog I found. Or rather, she found me. ;) http://jessicadruck.blogspot.com/

"Sometimes it just feels better to give in"

And most of the time,

I am just not okay. But that's okay I guess? Because you get used to it. One question though; is it possible (or even normal) to be depressed ALL the time? Hm, I guess not. Meh, who wants to be normal eyh?

Listen,

YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME !

Bite back.

"Then maybe it works when I leave, you fake what you say you love"

It's a revelation really, it dawned on me, smacked me in the face if you will, that there's nothing. Nope, nothing left. I know what's right to do, but it isn't right to do it now... I mean, now being the end of high school and all. Even if, when you actually think about it, what's right to do, doesn't necessarily need to be done. It'll happen in due time, you know, 'go with the flow'. But really, back to the topic, I felt nothing. I keep wondering if you notice it too, or if it's just me. Because if it is, than I am such a shitty person.

Given the situation that I'm in, I shall not take the direction my instinct is pointing me to. At least not anytime in the near future. But I'm pretty sure it's about to happen. I haven't talked to anyone about this, maybe it has something to do with me not knowing who to talk to? I can't talk to you about this, it will hurt us. But I need to let this out, so, you come home quick, I need you to listen. Between this, leaving school and everything else on my plate... My head's been pretty occupied.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, really, don't even bother because you my dear friend, might find out soon enough. Well, at least when it does happen.

PS: If it does happen, please know that I've never loved you any less than you've loved me. Really, even if it's come to that.

"Take a little more than what I've got, it's all I have to please you"

If you're a dream then come true.

"Wrap your arms around me 'till your knuckles are burning white"

Today I shall quote Alexi Wasser. Her blog is the shizz. --> IMBOYCRAZY.COM

"It was friendly, quick, silly, and only slightly awkward. I don’t want anything from him. I don’t need anything from him- so it wasn’t filled with painful longing or remorse for what was- it was more a sneak peak, or evidence that he could be/might be a best friend. I have so much love for him. And yet- and he feels the same way- not being together was/is a good decision. After he left, with no kissing or anything-just hugs that he wasn’t really comfortable with me giving him-......"

I miss you, so much. I dare not imagine how it would be like when I no longer see you on a day to day basis. As immature and stupid I feel when I say this, clearly I love you. So much more than I care to wonder why. I wish you knew, I wish you care enough to find out. I don't want you anymore, at least not in that way. I just want you to be a part of my life... the way things were supposed to be. I'm so glad I met you love.

"Use me as you will, pull my strings just as a thrill. And I know I'll be okay though my skies are turning gray"

In all my spite, just turn it off.

"You came much closer than they had before. You never stop needing and it's good for nothing."

Caught up with si kering, yes YOU *points finger* the one yang pegi baca my blog depan I -.- Pegi la buat twitter! Boleh gedik gedik. xD Anyways, keesokannya was Addin's open house, caught up with The Herry. :D Anyways, the food was good but the sausages were SO superfuckingdelicious sampai everyone berebut macam anjing liar dapat daging -.- After that went for jamaican shisha, moroccan tea and pineapple barbican. Left early to go geli geli. lol, that rhymes. xD And then today pulak was ou with my fave sibs, for a movie. And then I saw that certain budak skate/small feet :D Terima kasih boyfriend( xD ) kerana membawa that certain small feet-ed(?) boy to come see me, since his arm is still healing.

Annnyways, we saw Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs... in 3D! Her treat. Thanks a bunch. Love you. (: The movie's pretty good, especially if you ada younger sibs, it's a great movie to watch together.

8/10

Moving on.... I always have some philosophical shit all drafted up in my head when I'm out but then bila dah balik and kat depan laptop, POOF, hilang. Memang nice sangat sangat. So instead of philosophising I'm gonna tell you about the musang thingy (well, orang panggil musang, but it doesn't look anything like the fox) yang I saw when we went to Andalus. :/ I was walking to the car and I heard bunyi macam a kitten in pain, it was fucking seram untill a second later when I saw that it was the musang thingy on the electric wires. Kan those things suka jalan on the electric wires so I went and sambung balik jalan to the car. Had to wait for that boy to keluarkan kereta from the parking because I taknak pijak the damp grass in my kebaya... so I pun tengok la the musang thingy thinking 'Why isn't it moving?' After closer inspection, tengok tengok it's head is fucking stuck between the intertwining electrical wires. D': That's why it was crying or screeching because it was asking for help. ): Musang thingy tu wasn't electrocuted, but STILL.... nanti dia tercekik macam mana?? But then there was nothing I... we, could do to help so I tahan my guilt and went into the car. :/ Balik rumah went to sleep and got nightmares of the musang thingy asking me 'WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME?!'. Babi seram. Okay, so now you're probably thinking, 'Dude, give me back the 3 minutes of my life I just wasted reading about some musang thingy.' x) Well, too bad. I am not even sorry I'm telling about the musang thingy because the guilt is eating me up.



I guess, that's about it? Oh lupa nak mention bestfriend's open house that happened last week. So itu je la kot. Nothing big, tak ada apa yang eventful sangat since the SPM is eerily getting sooner and sooner everytime I tengok the calendar (well, duh la kan. But what I mean is, tiba2 dah tinggal sebulan) so duduk rumah and jadi budak baik. Tunggu la lepas SPM nanti *cue evil laugh* but for now, I have an add math book waiting in the room with my name plastered all over it.



Until next time lovely/ies. You know i love you. Yes, you. (:

xoxo.

"I'll beg you, beg you. But it's all the same to me" )':

"The truth never set me free..."

"I don't know what to do with these feelings" -Postsecret French.

"I can't tell you, so everyday I tell the water, the earth, the grass, the sun and the clouds that I love you" -Postsecret Dutch

This one's from Postsecret's Sunday Secrets.

"...So I did it myself."