Suicide, Edouard Levé.

"Your life was less sad than your suicide might suggest. You were said to have died of suffering. But there was not as much sadness in you as there is now in those who remember you. You died because you searched for happiness at the risk of finding the void. We shall have to wait for death before we can know what it is that you found. Or before leaving off knowing anything at all, if it is to be silence and emptiness that awaits us."

"You better be alive when I come back from Raya." - a close friend who shall remain unnamed.

I am actually going to be with my family for Eid this year. What will become of me?

That's something to think about.

Selamat Hari Raya to you anyway. Whoever you are, if you're reading this, have a good celebration. And if like me, you don't celebrate Eid, then have a safe day filled with happiness.

(:

Dad appreciation post.

My father may not be anything close to perfect but he is the best person I have ever known. I appreciate and love him and cherish all the crazy that comes with it.

He may not know how to behave like a conventional father but he has definitely taught me plenty. I love you, Dad. I love you always.

Happened again today. I might be going mad.

Cat peed in my sister's hair while she was asleep this morning. Soaked through her pillow.

Now ain't that rad.

Thoughts.

Sometimes you lay on your bed in the dark, preparing to sleep and wanting some peace of mind, an escape of some sort, be it by reading a book or by listening to music, but you cannot bring yourself to press play on your music player or flip through the pages of your favourite book. Those are the days when you know it's bad. It's almost as bad as it can get.

Then you realise; but hey, I don't feel like dying and I don't wish that existence is optional. At least not today. So you reach for your music player or your book and you escape into a world away from your own until you drift off to sleep before you start the day anew.

I guess today isn't so bad after all.

Not bad at all.

Q.

기억. 윤하. 타블로.

My eyes, my ears, my hands,
My face, my lips, my heart, my soul
remembers you.

그가 미소지어도
내 눈은 그대 그대가 웃고있죠
그와 손을 잡아도
내 손은 그대 그대 손을 느끼죠

내 맘은 그댈 지웠는데
심장은 그댈 비웠는데
분명히 그댈 지웠는데 아직까지도 안돼

이젠 시간이 그대의 모습을 지우고
그대로 가득했던 내 맘을 비워도
내 몸이 그댈 내 몸이 그댈 기억해
(난 기억해 아직까지도 난 그대와)

함께 웃고 있는 사진을 치우고
그대로 가득했던 심장을 비워도
(심장을 비워도)
내 몸이 그댈 기억해
내 몸이 그댈 기억해

지워질수록 선명해지는 그 기억
미워질수록 때눈처럼 다가와 그 기억
내 몸속에 숨을 쉬는가 언제쯤
어둠속에 눈을 감을까 어쨌든
앞을 걸어가도 너 뒤 돌아서도 너

그의 품에 안겨도
내 몸은 그대 그대만을 느끼죠
그와 함께 걸어도
두 발은 그대 그대와 멈춰있죠 

내 눈엔 그대만 보여
아직도 그대 향한 눈물이 고여
두 손엔 그대만 느껴
수갑처럼 그대와의 기억에 묶여
그저 스쳐지나가는 인기척에서도 그대의 기억
아직도 그대 때문에 미쳐 because
내 몸이 그댈 기억해
아직도 그댈 기억해
내 몸이 그댈 비워도 (그대를 지워도)
내 모든게 널 기억해.