Still air of midnight comes alive with laughters of friends
Old memories and past mistakes
Shared deep in the dead of night
None to be heard but the echoes of voices
Reminiscing the have beens and have nots
A flurry of thoughts rushing out through fast tongues
My foggy mind recalling moments past once forgotten
Simple pleasures.
Ah, simple pleasures.
I don't want to die. At least not now.
But there are days when you just need everything to slow down.
Some days you just want life to stop.
But not to die. Never to die.
You just want to stop being.
Existing is such a burden.
What would it feel like to vanish into thin air like a bubble? (Must be nice).
Sometimes when I heave and cry,
And the crushing pain weighs heavy in the hollow of my soul,
The kind of pain that is unlike any physical pain I am accustomed to,
When I am curled up in a fetal position like an unborn child not ready to face the world,
I would hear the sound of my mother's voice shouting at a 4 year old me, telling me to stop or she would hit me again and again and again.
Sometimes I would swallow my tears and will myself to stop reacting to the crushing pain I feel bringing me down inside.
And I would tell her, in the voice of the 4 year old me "no more. No more. No more."
It is so hard living in fear that you are not enough.
Especially when your days are constant reminders of how inadequate you are.
I dont need much but I want everything.
I want everything for everyone but none for myself.
I want to be everything for everyone.
I want to please. I want to be enough.
But I am flawed.
I am never going to be enough. Not for myself, not for anyone.
Some nights I just want to go to sleep forever.
Dying seems easy until you realise it is not the end.
I just want it to end. Sometimes.
It is okay if you want to conform to what the society sees as the 'right' way of living.
Even if there is no clear right or wrong way to live.
You just live.
But don't condemn me for choosing to live my life how I want to live it.
I don't do it to you, I expect the same courtesy in return.
P.S. you incessantly complain about your hate for bandwagonners, but you are one of them. Be who you want to be, not who society expects you to be.
